Insult Dead Comic Strips - Page 25
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306 Results for Insult Dead
View 241 - 250 results for insult dead comic strips. Discover the best "Insult Dead" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday October 06,
2015
Next Robot Will Be Intelligent
Tags ai, artificial intelligence, insult, intelligence, obliviousness, robot, stupid
Transcript
Boss: Our next robot release will have the intelligence of a human! Dilbert: Will it have intelligence in the same way you do? Boss: What are you implying? Dilbert: I'll bet the robot wouldn't know either.
Wednesday October 21,
2015
Wally's Stress Problem
Tags stress, health, work, employee, work ethic, laziness, excuse
Transcript
Wally: I need to take an extended medical leave to deal with my job-related stress. The stress is degrading my cardiovascular system. I could drop dead any minute. Boss: Which part of your job is causing stress? Wally: I think it's the work part.
Monday December 07,
2015
Dna Kit Predicts Health Issues
Tags technology, future, death, prediction, health, reaction, medical
Transcript
Dilbert: I combined a DNA test kit with big data to predict a person's future health issues. That depressing knowledge caused every member of the test group to make risky lifestyle choices. Now half of them are dead. At the risk of bragging, that's exactly what my model predicted.
Friday December 18,
2015
The Smart Plans
Thursday December 24,
2015
Carl Asks What
Friday December 25,
2015
Improving Your Reputation At Work
Tags insult, power, socialization, social skills, Advice
Transcript
Asok: How can I improve my reputation at work? Wally: The easiest way is to make your co-workers look worse. Asok: Wouldn't they notice? Wally: You didn't.
Tuesday January 26,
2016
Meetings Are Dense
Tags meetings, time, perception, joke, insult, stupid, obliviousness
Transcript
Dilbert: According to Einstein, time flows more slowly in meetings than it does in empty space. That's because people are dense. Boss: Is that true? Alice: For you it is.
Sunday January 17,
2016
Tags sexism, sexist, misogyny, conversation, talking
Transcript
Alice: You give Wally your full attention when he talks, but not me. You hang on every word the man says. But if I try to talk, you act distracted in five seconds. Wally gets more eye contact, too. You don't even look at me half the time I'm talking. Deep down, in your DNA, you know you are a sexist because you don't take me seriously when I speak to you. There is no other explanation, so don't insult me by trying. Dilbert: I give both of you the same amount of attention, but you spread it over more words. Alice: I hate both of you. Dilbert: Did I play that wrong? Wally: Yup.
Sunday February 14,
2016
Tags intelligence, insult, healing, doctor, ego, medical
Transcript
Boss: My doctor says he's never seen anyone heal as quickly as me. Dilbert: What do you suppose that means? Boss: Obviously it means I am genetically gifted. Dilbert: Is that the only explanation? Boss: Well, maybe ten percent of it is because of good medical care. Dilbert: Can you think of any other reason at all? Alice: Doctors tell idiots their bodies are magic because it makes them feel special. Dilbert: He would have gotten there. Alice: I don't have that kind of time.
Sunday March 06,
2016
Tags insult, offense, engineer, programmer, coding, anger, technology, engineering
Transcript
Man: How's the software coming? Alice: Still waiting for you to give me the specs so I can start. Man: I already told you it's a cloud app that does data. Hey, I can't do your job for you. You have to meet me halfway. Aren't you supposed to be "agile?" I mean, how hard is it to rearrange zeroes and ones all day? Should I ask again tomorrow? Alice: Sure, if you're alive.