Search Results for "raise blood pressure"
Share February 22, 2018's comic on:
Boss: From now on, your compensation will be a function of your baseline happiness. We don't want to waste money giving raises to employees who won't get any happier no matter what we do. Dilbert: This plan makes me unhappy. Boss: Nice try, but you were already unhappy.
Share October 16, 2018's comic on:
Share December 10, 2018's comic on:
Carol: I'm selling chocolate bars to raise funds for my kid's school. Dilbert: I'm childless, so I already subsidize your kid's education. Carol: I was hoping it would feel too awkward for you to say no. Dilbert: By my calculations, you owe me money.
Share December 11, 2018's comic on:
Carol: I'm selling chocolate bars to raise money for my kid's school. Boss: That sounds like communism. I'm out. Carol: I'll give you a fake receipt so you can expense it. Boss: Now it sounds like capitalism. I'm in.
Share January 10, 2019's comic on:
Dilbert: My breakthrough in A.I. came when I stopped trying to duplicate human rational thought. Dogbert: You can't copy what doesn't exist. Dilbert: Right. So instead I coded it to spout analogies to sound human. Asok: Should I ask my boss for a raise? Robot: Trees don't ask for raises, so why should you?
Share January 27, 2019's comic on:
Boss: I can't give you a raise because you didn't accomplish anything this year. Dilbert: Are you insane? I completely redesigned our line of products!!! Boss: That was mostly last year. Dilbert: You didn't give me a raise last year because I wasn't finished until January of this year. Now you aren't giving me a raise this year because I did most of the work last year. Give me one reason I shouldn't quit right now! Boss: Because every other company is just as bad. And you don't like change. Dilbert: I said one reason!
Share March 12, 2019's comic on:
Dilbert: The headphones we make are the best in the industry. Man: Our marketing campaign will focus on how they cure brain tumors and raise your IQ. Dilbert: They don't do any of that. Man: This is exactly why we don't let engineers do marketing.
Share March 13, 2019's comic on:
Dilbert: We're getting sued for claiming out headphones cure brain tumor and raise your IQ. Boss: We'll need to hire a scientist to back us on this. Dilbert: Where will we find a scientist willing to do that? Boss: Well, I wouldn't start with the rich ones.