Stealing Data Comic Strips - Page 25
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258 Results for Stealing Data
View 241 - 250 results for stealing data comic strips. Discover the best "Stealing Data" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday April 28,
2020
Spring Cleaning
Tags baboons, birthday, business, cleaning, criminals, drunk, files, list, servers, spring, white-collar
Transcript
boss on cell phone: we need to do spring cleaning. delete any data on our servers that make us look like white-collar criminals or drunken baboons. dilbert: all that leaves is our birthday list. boss through phone line: torch that too.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Wednesday May 06,
2020
Decisions Without Data
Tags decision, managers & supervisors, business, time, compile, facts, guess, career
Transcript
dilbert with face mask: i need a quick decision on this, but i don't have time to compile the relevant facts. boss with face mask: without facts, i would just be guessing. dilbert: it won't affect your career average. boss: why wouldn't it? dilbert: let's change the subject.
Friday May 08,
2020
Version 2 Kills
Tags business, upgrade, software, technology, version, health, issue, nonsense
Transcript
wally with face mask giving presentation: according to our newest data, 100% of the people who upgraded to version 2.0 of our software died the same day. wally to boss: but we don't think it means anything because all of them had underlying health issues. boss: how did they all have underlying health issues? wally: version 1.0 had some rough edges too.
Friday June 05,
2020
Believing Experts
Tags debates, Opinion, expert, facts, current events, Politics
Transcript
Man: Haha! You idiot! How dare you dis-agree with the foremost experts in this field! Dilbert: Here's a breaking story about those same experts being arrested today for falsifying data. In a sane world, this information would serve to modify your strong opinion. Man: That's not how any of this works.
Tuesday June 09,
2020
Shocking Fake Video
Tags insults, obliviousness, videos, conspiracy
Transcript
Boss: Did you see the shocking claims in the video I emailed to you? Dilbert: Yes. The video is so obviously fake that only a raging moron would think any of it is true. Boss: I think it's all true. Dilbert: Welp, that's one data point in my favor.
Tuesday January 05,
2021
Dna Says Wally Will Steal
Tags business, psychology, dna, steal, office supplies, junk, science, experts, listen
Transcript
Catbert: wally, according to your dna, the odds of you stealing office supplies later this week are nearly 100%. wally: that sounds like junk science. catbert to boss: he refuses to listen to experts.
Monday April 26,
2021
Workplace Injuries
Tags business, technology, meeting, video call, workplace, injury, reduce, work from home, security, guard, hurt, back, steal, office equipment
Transcript
boss on video call. boss: i'm proud to announce we reduced workplace injuries by 76% this past year. voice from laptop: we all worked from home this year. shouldn't we have seen a 100% reduction? boss: our security guard kept hurting his back stealing office equipment.
Sunday June 06,
2021
Anonymous Sources
Tags business, sarcasm, technology, company, anonymous, credibility, trust, lie, thief, sources
Transcript
boss: anonymous sources tell me you have been stealing from the company. dilbert: anonymous sources have no credibility. boss: that's exactly what they told me you'd say. dilbert: why do you trust them over me? boss: well, for one thing, i hear you're a thief. dilbert: you heard that from the anonymous sources that have no credibility! boss: why would they lie to me? dilbert: same reason you lie to me. boss: okay, that makes sense.
Monday May 31,
2021
Management Potential
Tags business, business ethics, managers & supervisors, stealing, credit, potential, chart
Transcript
boss reading paper: that's a great chart, ted. dilbert: actually, i made that chart a month ago, and ted stole it without giving me credit. boss to catbert: ted has management potential.
Friday June 18,
2021
Wally Helps The New Guy
Tags business, office workers, training, new, employment
Transcript
dilbert: wally, explain to the new guy what he needs to know about the project. wally: our pdr system is downstairs from the qrd data and the bmr, so don't order a gref or else the plr will get boodled. panel shows office building with man jumping out of window, voice: i quit