Stealing Data Comic Strips - Page 25

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

258 Results for Stealing Data

View 241 - 250 results for stealing data comic strips. Discover the best "Stealing Data" comics from Dilbert.com.

Spring Cleaning

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Spring Cleaning - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags baboons, birthday, business, cleaning, criminals, drunk, files, list, servers, spring, white-collar

View Transcript

Transcript

boss on cell phone: we need to do spring cleaning. delete any data on our servers that make us look like white-collar criminals or drunken baboons. dilbert: all that leaves is our birthday list. boss through phone line: torch that too.

Decisions Without Data

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Decisions Without Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags decision, managers & supervisors, business, time, compile, facts, guess, career

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert with face mask: i need a quick decision on this, but i don't have time to compile the relevant facts. boss with face mask: without facts, i would just be guessing. dilbert: it won't affect your career average. boss: why wouldn't it? dilbert: let's change the subject.

Version 2 Kills

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Version 2 Kills - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, upgrade, software, technology, version, health, issue, nonsense

View Transcript

Transcript

wally with face mask giving presentation: according to our newest data, 100% of the people who upgraded to version 2.0 of our software died the same day. wally to boss: but we don't think it means anything because all of them had underlying health issues. boss: how did they all have underlying health issues? wally: version 1.0 had some rough edges too.

Believing Experts

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Believing Experts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags debates, Opinion, expert, facts, current events, Politics

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Haha! You idiot! How dare you dis-agree with the foremost experts in this field! Dilbert: Here's a breaking story about those same experts being arrested today for falsifying data. In a sane world, this information would serve to modify your strong opinion. Man: That's not how any of this works.

Shocking Fake Video

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Shocking Fake Video - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags insults, obliviousness, videos, conspiracy

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you see the shocking claims in the video I emailed to you? Dilbert: Yes. The video is so obviously fake that only a raging moron would think any of it is true. Boss: I think it's all true. Dilbert: Welp, that's one data point in my favor.

Dna Says Wally Will Steal

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dna Says Wally Will Steal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, psychology, dna, steal, office supplies, junk, science, experts, listen

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: wally, according to your dna, the odds of you stealing office supplies later this week are nearly 100%. wally: that sounds like junk science. catbert to boss: he refuses to listen to experts.

Workplace Injuries

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Workplace Injuries - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, meeting, video call, workplace, injury, reduce, work from home, security, guard, hurt, back, steal, office equipment

View Transcript

Transcript

boss on video call. boss: i'm proud to announce we reduced workplace injuries by 76% this past year. voice from laptop: we all worked from home this year. shouldn't we have seen a 100% reduction? boss: our security guard kept hurting his back stealing office equipment.

Anonymous Sources

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Anonymous Sources - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, sarcasm, technology, company, anonymous, credibility, trust, lie, thief, sources

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: anonymous sources tell me you have been stealing from the company. dilbert: anonymous sources have no credibility. boss: that's exactly what they told me you'd say. dilbert: why do you trust them over me? boss: well, for one thing, i hear you're a thief. dilbert: you heard that from the anonymous sources that have no credibility! boss: why would they lie to me? dilbert: same reason you lie to me. boss: okay, that makes sense.

Management Potential

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Management Potential - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, managers & supervisors, stealing, credit, potential, chart

View Transcript

Transcript

boss reading paper: that's a great chart, ted. dilbert: actually, i made that chart a month ago, and ted stole it without giving me credit. boss to catbert: ted has management potential.

Wally Helps The New Guy

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Helps The New Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office workers, training, new, employment

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: wally, explain to the new guy what he needs to know about the project. wally: our pdr system is downstairs from the qrd data and the bmr, so don't order a gref or else the plr will get boodled. panel shows office building with man jumping out of window, voice: i quit