2018 Comic Strips - Page 25

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Dogbert's Time Management Book

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Dogbert's Time Management Book - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, Dilbert, time, management, time management, blank

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Dogbert: Would you like to read my book on time management? Dilbert: Yes. These pages are blank. Dogbert: I just saved you three hours.

Unmotivated Staff

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Unmotivated Staff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, the boss, wrong, leadership, skills

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The Boss: A few months ago, I realized my staff was unmotivated and working on all the wrong things. It took all of my leadership skills to get them motivated again. Catbert: Are they still doing the wrong things? The Boss: Faster than ever.

Introducing The New Hire

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Introducing The New Hire - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, new hire, names, introduction

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The New Hire New Hire: Can you take me around the office and introduce me? The Boss: No, that scheme won't work because it requires me to admit I don't know most of their names. New Hire: What's my name? The Boss: Um... Does it start with a letter?

Glass Is Half Full

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Glass Is Half Full - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Wally, the boss, glass, half empty, half full, the engineer, pie hole

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The Boss: A pessimist says the glass is half empty. An optimist says it is half full. Dilbert: The engineer says the glass is too big. The Boss: The manager says the engineer should shut his pie hole.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, google, data center, software, fix, agile

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Dilbert: I put together a plan for our data center project. The Boss: We don't need a plan we're an agile company. It's better to move fast and fix our mistakes as we go. Dilbert: You're thinking of software. Where the cost of mistakes is low, this is a construction project. The Boss: That data center will be full of software, will it not? Dilbert: Yes, but... The Boss: Don't be afraid of change. Dilbert: What if I rapidly make a plan and tell you I didn't? Is that agile enough for you? The Boss: I'll need to google that.

Ted Dies From Chair

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Ted Dies From Chair - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, the boss, ted, treadmill, alice, exercise ball, kneeling chair, ergonomics

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Catbert: Ted got thrown from his treadmill desk, bounced off of alice's exercise ball chair, and broke his neck on a kneeling chair. The cause of death is listed as, "good ergonomics." On the plus side, his posture was excellent.

Radical Candor

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Radical Candor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dilbert, management, radical condor, time, computer

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The Boss: I've decided to adopt a hot new management trend called, "Radical Condor." The trick is to be direct yet kind at the same time. Dilbert: What were you doing before? The Boss: Let's not get into that.

Candor Monster

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Candor Monster - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, carol, radical candor, therapy, criticism, monster

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The Boss: My new system of using "radical candor," is working out great. I've been criticizing people all morning and only three of them went into therapy over it. Now I turn my candor to you. Carol: Die, monster!

Carol Gets Some Candor

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Carol Gets Some Candor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags carol, Wally, radical candor, candor, compliment, deer, scat, forest, fire

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Wally: Looks like you got a good dose of radical candor. Carol: Yes, but it can bundled with insincere kindness, so all I felt was some tingling. Wally: You look like deer scat after a forest fire. Carol: Thank you for your candor.

Medical Phone Calls

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Medical Phone Calls - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alice, the boss, doctor, medical, phone call, boils, conversation

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The Boss: Hello, Doctor. Alice: Ugh. Can you please not have medical conversations where I can hear them? The Boss: Relax. It's only some projectile boils and their milky payload. Alice: I hate you.