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Character
Friday September 30,
2011
Tags deception, hypocrisy, open door policy, suggestions, not importnat, extra work
Transcript
Boss: Thanks for the suggestion, Asok. I'm going to ignore it because you're not important to my career and I don't like doing extra work. Asok: I'm confused. Why do you have an open-door policy? Boss: How can you leave if the door isn't open?
Saturday October 01,
2011
Tags saving & investment, stock market, mba, losing money, money in gold, shiny portfolio, money
Transcript
CEO: I have an MBA and yet I keep losing money in the stock market. How can this be? Boss: I put all of my money in gold because it's shiny. My portfolio doubled last year. I'm thinking of getting an MBA. How long does it take? A week?
Sunday October 09,
2011
Tags anger, frustration, matrix comparing features, skin in game, bang head, cause extra work, value of time, ninja economics
Transcript
Ted: You know what would be great? I'd like to see a matrix comparing the features of our past products. Boss: Dilbert, why don't you pull that together for our next meeting! Dilbert: That would take two days and the matrix would have no practical use. The problem here is that Ted doesn't have any skin in the game. I propose that Ted has to bang his head on the table whenever he causes me to do extra work. That will help Ted make better decision about the value of my time. Ted: Never mind. Dilbert: Ninja economics!
Sunday October 16,
2011
Tags choosing, meetings, creative ideas, next prodcut, ignorance on public disply, cost money, increase risk, evaluate each idea, disdain, good idea
Transcript
Boss: We need creative ideas for our next product. But not from you. Your ideas are awful. And don't suggest something that is already being done. That just puts your ignorance on public display. I don't want to hear any ideas that cost money or increase risk. As usual, I'll evaluate each idea by repeating it slowly while I look at your with disdain. If you come up with a good idea, I'll let you take on the project in addition to your existing work. Who wants to go first? How did I hire so many people who have no ideas? Catbert: Probably bad luck.
Monday October 03,
2011
Tags couples, dating, play games, guess the lie, say 2 things, dating games, obvious things, relationships
Transcript
Woman: Let's play a game. We each say two things about ourselves and the other has to guess which one is a lie. Dilbert: I love to play games like that. My second thing is that I eat food.
Tuesday October 04,
2011
Tags commerce, mergers & acquisitions, slavery is illeagal, engineers are free, find jobs, better companies
Transcript
Boss: We're buying an entire company just to get their engineers. Dilbert: Are you aware that slavery is illegal and the engineers are free to find jobs at better companies? Boss: I sure hope you're wrong about that.
Wednesday October 05,
2011
Tags cruelty, employees, employee of month, october 1929, room to grow, past date, past month, business
Transcript
Boss: Congratulations, Asok. I'm naming you employee of the month. Your month is October 1929. Room to grow.
Thursday October 06,
2011
Tags computers & peripherals, gadgets, hardware, robotic arms, hold coffee cups, industry changing products
Transcript
Wally: One percent of engineers create all of the industry - changing products. I propose replacing the other 99% with robotic arms that hold coffee cups. You won't see any of the laggards in the 99% come up with great ideas like this one.
Friday October 07,
2011
Tags inventions, thinking, creative, teacher, business card, ideationista, education
Transcript
Boss: I hired Ken to teach us how to be more creative. According to his business card, his title is "ideationista." Ken: That was some of my best work.
Saturday October 08,
2011
Tags doctors, employees, medicines, nice guys, paid less, aggressive jerks, offer raise, testosterone injections, illegal, dangerous, unethical, tiny income, business
Transcript
Dilbert: Studies show that nice guys get paid less than aggressive jerks. Dogbert: Maybe you should offer your doctor 10% of your next raise if he gives you testosterone injections. Dilbert: That would be illegal, dangerous, and unethical. Dogbert: Said the man with the tiny income.


