Condescending Engineer Comic Strips - Page 26

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265 Results for Condescending Engineer

View 251 - 260 results for condescending engineer comic strips. Discover the best "Condescending Engineer" comics from Dilbert.com.

How Long For New Feature

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How Long For New Feature - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2017's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #excuse, #legacy, #deception, #engineer, #programmer, #engineering

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Tina: How long would it take to add that feature to the legacy system? Wally: That depends. When will the new system replace the legacy system? Tina: In six months. Wally: The new feature would take seven months.

Wally Accidentally Invents Coffee Warmer

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Wally Accidentally Invents Coffee Warmer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2017's comic on:


Tags #invention, #engineer, #coffee, #cell phone, #technology, #idea, #engineering

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Wally: Nothing is going right today. My phone charger is too hot, and my coffee is too cold. Dilbert: Did you just invent a phone charger that keeps your coffee warm? Wally: Did I? Dilbert: I'll have a prototype for you tomorrow. Narrator: Continued...

Dilbert Tries To Get Funding

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Dilbert Tries To Get Funding - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2017's comic on:


Tags #budget, #money, #spending, #projects, #upgrades, #technology, #software, #engineering

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Man: Who are you? Dilbert: I'm an engineer on an unfunded project. I'm attending random meetings to see if I can shake loose some spare budget money. Man: We'll be talking about the mandatory software upgrade. Dilbert: Sounds like a huge waste of money.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 2017's comic on:


Tags #condescention, #disagreement, #criticism, #snark, #body language, #argument

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Dilbert: Are there any questions? Man: Your plan is so dumb that I am forced to make my condescending face to respond. You are so dumb! Dilbert: Did you have a reason? Man: Do I have a reason? Hahaha! That's precious. There are so many reasons that I don't know where to start! Dilbert: Just pick one. Man: Haha! Easy. You will never get funded. Dilbert: It's already fully funded. What else do you have? Man: To be honest, all I had was the funding issues and this face.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 2017's comic on:


Tags #negotiation, #demand, #haggle, #prices, #pricing, #negotiate

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Boss: Negotiate with your vendor and get the price down. Dilbert: I don't know how to negotiate. I'm an engineer. Boss: It's simple. All you need to do is make an aggressive first demand and settle for less. Dilbert: How aggressive are we talking about here? Boss: The more aggressive the better. Dilbert: That doesn't sound right. Boss: Trust me. More is better. Dilbert: My opening demand is that you name me as a beneficiary on your life insurance police, mow my lawn, and die in traffic on the way home. Boss: You got the price down by 35 percent. Dilbert: I really hoped it wouldn't work.

Boss Is Like A Zombie With No App

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Boss Is Like A Zombie With No App  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 2017's comic on:


Tags #mind control, #technology, #invention, #zombie

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Dilbert: Thanks to my new neural interface, I can control our boss using an app. I haven't written the app yet, so all he does is sit there like a zombie. Wally: Maybe we can skip the app. Alice: There's no reason to over-engineer it.

Beautiful, Slippery, Brittle

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Beautiful, Slippery, Brittle   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 2017's comic on:


Tags #technology, #cell phones, #fragile, #aesthetics, #vanity

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Boss: When you engineer our new mobile phone product, make sure you adhere to the BSB design principle. Dilbert: BSB? Boss: Beautiful, slippery, brittle. Dilbert: Isn't that sort of evil? Boss: It isn't our fault if customers don't buy an ugly case.

Dumb Question

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Dumb Question - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 2018's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #questioning, #dumb question, #stupidity, #jargon, #language, #lingo

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Boss: I'm not an engineer, so this might be a dumb question. But why can't we 3-D print a blockchain and HTML it into a bitcoin? Dilbert: Alice can answer that. Alice: I quit.

Device Can Read Minds

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Device Can Read Minds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 2018's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #device, #read, #thoughts, #turn, #computer, #commands, #theories, #engineer, #engineering, #invention, #nothing, #broken

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Dilbert: I invented a device that can read your thoughts and turn them into computer commands. The Boss: Nothing is happening. Is it broken? Dilbert: That's one of my top two theories.

Fetching Coffee

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Fetching Coffee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 2018's comic on:


Tags #elderly, #engineering, #men and women, #office workers

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Ned: They call me "Old Ned as if I haven't kept up with the times. But watch me tell you to fetch me some coffee from Starbucks just like the young folks do. Alice: I'm a senior software engineer. Ned: I'm not getting any less thirsty here.