2020 Comic Strips - Page 26

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Compared To Alice

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Compared To Alice  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, comparision, face mask, good, office workers, punish, sarcasm, selfish, tragic, work

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alice: you did great work on this...which has the tragic effect of making my work look less good in comparison. dilbert: will you be punishing me for my good work? alice: yes, but think of it as you not being selfish.

Lifetime Of Being Wrong

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Lifetime Of Being Wrong  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office workers, wrong, decision, career, assess, life, sarcasm, face mask

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dilbert: i think you're wrong. co-worker: what error did i make? dilbert: i'm basing my decision on your entire career of being wrong about everything. i hope i'm not the first person to point that out. co-worker: give a minute to reassess my entire life.

The Timing Trick

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The Timing Trick - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, timing, trick, neighborhood, visit, estimate, eta, home, cancel, promise, late, face mask

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tina: i'll be in your neighborhood saturday, maybe i'll stop by. dilbert: i'm not falling for that trick. tina: what trick? dilbert: the trick where you give me an estimated time and then push it back seven times until you cancel. i'll be stuck waiting at home until my whole day is wasted. tina: i promise i won't do that. i'll stick to the time. dilbert: what time is that? tina: depends how my day goes. dilbert thinking: and so it begins. tina: i'll text you if i'm running late.

Reasonable Doubt

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Reasonable Doubt    - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, office workers, employees, health, leader, coronavirus, indoor, face mask, kill, doubt, sarcasm

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Carol: that stupid coronavirus is no match for a healthy, young leader such as yourself. freedom demands that you go to crowded indoor places without wearing your mask. boss: are you trying to kill me? carol: i'd say there's reasonable doubt.

Management Got Virus

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Management Got Virus   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, health, management, coronavirus, quarantined, work, wisdom, idiot, theme, face mask, sarcasm

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catbert: the entire management team has contracted coronavirus and is quarantined. they asked me to tell you to stop working, because without their wisdom, you idiots will ruin everything. any questions? dilbert: no, i think you covered the main themes.

Spreading Virus

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Spreading Virus  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coronavirus, covid-19, business, health, spread, face mask, happiness, immune system, medical, Advice, doctor, manage

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dogbert: they say the best way to manage the coronavirus is to spread it to people you dislike. the happiness you get from that will boost your immune system. dilbert: maybe i'll get medical advice from an actual doctor. dogbert: they leave out the good stuff.

Artificial Dumbness

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 Artificial Dumbness  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, cell phone, managers & supervisors, technology, software, invention, artificial, dumb, human, face mask

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dilbert: my new software invention is called "artificial dumbness." it acts dumb so humans will think they are talking to one of their own. boss: that couldn't possibly work. dilbert's phone echos: that couldn't possibly work.

Betting On Management

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 Betting On Management  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags covid-19, business, technology, confidence, management, infection, coronavirus, bet, stupidity, income, betting, health

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dilbert: does it reduce your confidence in our management that 100% of them got infected with coronavirus. wally: all i know is that i won $300 betting it would happen. dilbert: how often do you bet on their stupidity? wally: often enough to double my income.

Augmented Reality

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Augmented Reality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, business, introduction, reality, glasses, social media, history, impressions, dumb, face mask

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girl: my name is ... dilbert: stop right there. my augmented reality glasses are showing me your entire social media history. girl: i hope it makes a good first impression. dilbert yelling: my god, you are dumb!

Golden Age For Wally

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Golden Age For Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags 6 feet, avoid, coffee, eye contact, face mask, grocery shopping, office workers, social distancing, upgrade, Women

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wally at coffee pot talking to Dilbert:: social distancing has been a great upgrade to my life. in the old days, women avoided me by at least ten feet. now i often get within seven. i think it's because i'm better-looking with most of my face covered. especially if i wear a hat and sunglasses. and i learned that women will talk to me if i walk the wrong way down a grocery aisle. they're usually complaining but at least they make eye contact. it's sort of a golden age for people like me.