Entire Language Comic Strips - Page 26

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

263 Results for Entire Language

View 251 - 260 results for entire language comic strips. Discover the best "Entire Language" comics from Dilbert.com.

New Military Project

Thank you for voting.
New Military Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #name, #weapon, #semantics, #language

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: My staff is threatening to quit because of our military contracts. CEO: Tell them we only work on defensive weapons. Boss: It might help if we changed the project name from "City-killing Laser In Space." CEO: How about "Skylight?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #cost, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #ladder, #waste

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do you know where I can find a ladder? Dilbert: I can help you with that, but it will come at a big cost. It took me all morning to finally get "in the zone" to figure out this bug. Your interruption will set me back to square one and cost an entire day of productivity. Meanwhile, the rest of the team can't do their work because they are waiting for me to fix this bug first. So yes, I can help you find a ladder. But it will cost the company about $12,000 in lost productivity. I hope you have a good reason to need a ladder. Boss: I do. Ten minutes earlier. Boss: I wonder what ceiling tiles feel like.

Jargon

Thank you for voting.
Jargon - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2018's comic on:


Tags #confusion, #employees, #irritation, #language, #meetings, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: This was a great meeting. Are there any questions? Dilbert: I didn't understand any of the jargon you used for the past hour, so I have no idea what this meeting was about. Man: Why didn't you say something sooner? Dilbert: That's a good strategy for people who have hope.

The Candy Honor System

Thank you for voting.
The Candy Honor System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 2018's comic on:


Tags #candy, #irritation, #office workers, #steal, #stealing food, #office, #trust

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I put a candy bowl on my desk, and someone stole the entire bowl within five minutes. I'm old enough to remember when the honor system meant something. What happened to trust? Boss: Maybe the candy wasn't as good back then.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2019's comic on:


Tags #argument, #debates, #frustration, #office workers, #evidence

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: ...And that's what I think about the issue. Dilbert: Here's a Youtube video proving that everything you believe is wrong. Notice this isn't just an opinion. It is a video of the entire event you just claimed did not happen. I'm sending you a link to ten media stories debunking your version of events. Having now proved how wrong you are. Would you like to retract everything you said about it? Man: Why can't you admit when you are wrong? Dilbert: Because I'm not wrong!!!

Offensive Product Name

Thank you for voting.
Offensive Product Name - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #insults, #office, #office workers, #elbonian

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: our product name turns out to be offensive in the elbonian language. dilbert: it means "one who rips off his own facial hair and feeds it to a baby bird, which chokes and dies, signaling years of drought." the boss: that's all in one word? dilbert: they only have seventeen words, and nine of them are insults.

Hallucinations At Meetings

Thank you for voting.
Hallucinations At Meetings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #server, #hallucinate, #network

View Transcript

Transcript

in conference room. dilbert: i recommend we upgrade one of our servers over the weekend. office workers: so, just to be clear, you want to replace our entire network in two days? dilbert: um...no. i want to replace one defective server. office worker: we can't replace our entire network in two days! that is ridiculous! dilbert: i don't know what is happening right now. dilbert: it's as if they things i say have no impact on what you hallucinate you are hearing. office worker: you think you can replace an entire network in two days, and you think i'm the one who is hallucinating? dilbert: i don't know what to do right now. office worker: your incompetence is confirmed.

Wally Covers For Boss

Thank you for voting.
Wally Covers For Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 03, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business, #managers & supervisors, #motivation, #vacations

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to fill in for me while I'm on vacation. I would have asked someone competent, but they're all on vacation next week, too. Please don't destroy the entire company. Wally: Do I seem that motivated?

Best Employees

Thank you for voting.
Best Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 22, 2019's comic on:


Tags #employees, #managers & supervisors, #best, #office workers, #industry, #attitude

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: we have the best employees in the entire industry. except for ted obviously. ted: wait...what? boss: and here comes the attitude.

Body Language Fail

Thank you for voting.
Body Language Fail - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #body language, #fail, #deny, #psychology, #monster

View Transcript

Transcript

female office worker: i can tell by your body language that you want me to fail. dilbert: why would i want you to fail? female: you're not denying it!!! dilbert: well, now i want you to fail. female yelling: you're a monster!