Hiring Engineers Comic Strips - Page 26
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View 251 - 260 results for hiring engineers comic strips. Discover the best "Hiring Engineers" comics from Dilbert.com.
Ted: My name is Ted. I'm applying for this job of generic white guy. Boss: We just lost our Ted. You look perfect for the job. Ted: Is there anything I should know about the job? Boss: It doesn't end well.
Boss: Why are our competitors beating us on the benchmark speed tests? Do they have better engineers? Dilbert: No, they have better management. Their management probably got them the budget they needed to do the job right. I"m guessing they were helpful, instead of being useless, blamecasting time-wasters. I hear you can do a lot when you have good management. I'll probably try to get a job with a competitor. They sound great. It is also possible they lied about their benchmark results. Boss: You should have said that first!
Boss: Do you have any friends with technical skills who you can recommend to work here? Wally: I don't have any friends, but if I did, why would I be so mean to them? Boss: You get a $1,000 bonus for referring a friend. Wally: How much for a gullible acquaintance?
Wally: Stop! Why are you here? Man: I have an interview for a job as an engineer. Wally: My name is Wally. Tell Human Resources I referred you ad I'll get a $1,000 bonus. Boss: Have you noticed that all of our new hires were referred by the same person? Catbert: Sounds like we found our Employee Of The Year!
Boss: According to people on the Internet, you're what's called a "social justice warrior." Man: The tone of your voice indicates you are against me. And that means you are making common cause with racists. Boss: If I hire you, will you stop saying crazy stuff like that? Man: Censorship!
Boss: The company makes me rank all of my employees. I put you last because you're not an engineer. I have to fire whoever is ranked lowest, and I can't afford to lose any engineers. Tina; What if I work harder, and do a great job? Boss: Then I'd fire you for not being a team player.
CEO: The famous cartoonist we hired to be our spokesperson said something bad on social media. Boss: Oh no. How bad is it? CEO: Our board voted to kill him. Do you know any sociopaths? Boss: I'm head of Engineering. CEO: Good point. Pick any one of them.
Boss: I'm assigning our best and brightest engineers to the new system integration team. Anyone who is left over gets to be in charge of watching our legacy system slowly rot. Dilbert: Who would want that job? Wally: Me!!! Pick me!!!
Man: Wally, I need you to add a feature to the legacy system while we wait for the new software to go live. Wally: My job is to prevent people such as you from adding features to our legacy system. Man: But it's my job to make you do it. Wally: One of us has a terrible job.