On Line Course Comic Strips - Page 26

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270 Results for On Line Course

View 251 - 260 results for on line course comic strips. Discover the best "On Line Course" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally Presents To Board

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Wally Presents To Board - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags stealth, invisibility, naked, surprise, hiding, camoflage

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Boss: I want you to present your stealth clothing prototype to our board. Wally: Are you sure? Boss: Of course I'm sure. CEO: I thought we were trying to make the person invisible. Wally: Then why is it called stealth "clothing?"

We're Not A Bunch Of Idiots

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We're Not A Bunch Of Idiots   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags marketing, damage control, slogan, tag line, image, business

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CEO: A feature article in the business press called our leadership a "bunch of morons." Boss: To counter that slanderous story, our new market slogan is "We're Not A Bunch Of Morons!" CEO: Problem solved. Boss: It was deceptively easy.

Not Morons

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Not Morons  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags marketing, tag line, slogan, name-calling, insult, obliviousness, business

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Dilbert: Is it too late to rethink our new marketing slogan? When we say, "We're Not A Bunch Of Morons," it kinds sounds to my ears as if we are. Boss: But it says we're not. Dilbert: And you're not a rat-faced waste of oxygen. Boss: Thank you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Wally, the boss, bad, technology, day, phone, freezing, printer, working, network, warning, lights, christmas, tree, laptop, boot, coincidence, permission, lock, lead-line, box, hero

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Wally: I'm having a bad technology day. My phone keeps freezing, my printer isn't working, and our network is down. Wally: My car's warning lights look like a Christmas tree, and my laptop won't boot up. Maybe its all just coincidence but I don't think we can take that chance. May I have permission to lock myself in a lead-lined box to protect the rest of the company? The Boss: How will I know you're really in a lead-lined box? Wally: YOu'll know because your phone will be working fine. The Boss: My phone is still working that man is a hero.

Fine Lines

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Fine Lines - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Wally, line, optimism, idiocy, cynicism, realism, will, love, dead, working

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Dilbert: I've noticed there's a fine line between optimism and idiocy. Wally: There's also a fine line between cynicism and realism. Dilbert: I just lost my will to live. Wally: There's a fine line between dead and working.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, test, scripts, software, project, hardware, tests, version, final, release, volunteering, testing, player

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The Boss: I need someone to run some test scripts on the new software. Dilbert: I can do that my project is on hold until the new hardware arrives. The Boss: Great, I'll need you to run the same tests on every version until final release. Dilbert: Um... I was only volunteering to do it once it isn't my job to do all the testing. The Boss: Too late. You're the test script guy now. Dilbert: You're adding an entirely new job to my existing job! The Boss: Don't you want to be a team player? Dilbert: Of course I do. The Boss: Good. I just put you on the losing team.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags argument, boss, business, change, frustration, managers & supervisors, money, salary, company

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Boss: I can't give you a raise because you didn't accomplish anything this year. Dilbert: Are you insane? I completely redesigned our line of products!!! Boss: That was mostly last year. Dilbert: You didn't give me a raise last year because I wasn't finished until January of this year. Now you aren't giving me a raise this year because I did most of the work last year. Give me one reason I shouldn't quit right now! Boss: Because every other company is just as bad. And you don't like change. Dilbert: I said one reason!

Chemtrails

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Chemtrails - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, chemtrails, deadline

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the boss: why didn't you get your report in on time? wally: do you believe chemtrails are real? the boss: of course i do. wally: the chemtrails slowed me down. the boss: okay, that sounds right.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, employees, office, office workers, pay raise, employee of the year

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the boss: i'm looking for nominations for employee of the year. the boss: does anyone have a suggestion? dilbert: hypothetically, would the winner of this award be likely to get a larger-than-normal pay raise? the boss: i would think so, yes. dilbert: and is it true that our budget for raises is limited? the boss: yes, of course. dilbert: would it not be against my best interests to nominate an employee who is competing with me for scarce resources? the boss: let's just forget i brought it up. dilbert: i nominate myself.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, strategy, variables, forecast

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dilbert: my profit forecast isn't aligning with our strategy the boss: try adding some variables. dilbert: what kind of variables? the boss: the kind that make our strategy line up with our profit forecasts. dilbert: but...then my forecast would not be accurate. the boss: it's already inaccurate because no one can forecast complicated things five years ahead. the boss: if we can't be accurate, we might as well be wrong in a way that is good for us in the near term. dilbert: you make a surprisingly robust argument for evil. the boss: and i was barely trying!