1996 Comic Strips - Page 26

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags network adminsitrator, routers, block employees, websites, program routers, useless activities, business plan

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits on a desk. The Boss asks, "Can you program the routers to block employees from all fun Web sites?" Dogbert replies, "Why stop there? I can program the routers to block ALL useless activities." The Boss asks, "How long will that take?" Dogbert unplugs a cable and says, "Done. I've seen your business plan."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags minor edits, product brochure, causes hallucinations, sterility, positive spin, greatest writing challenge, same old sights, great gift, conscince, three pager

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Tina the Tech Writer, "Tina, we need a few minor edits on our product brochure." Tina sits at her desk and thinks, "Minor? Uh-oh . . ." The Boss continues, "We've discovered that our product causes hallucinations and sterility." The Boss continues, "See if you can put a positive spin on that." Tina thinks, "This will be my greatest writing challenge yet." Tina types, "Are you tired of the same old sights? We've got you covered." Tina types, ". . . Makes a great gift for those people who - in your opinion - should not reproduce." Tina thinks, "Ooh . . . I feel a tiny pang of conscience. That's one." Dilbert asks, "So the brochure was only a three-panger?" Tina replies, "Yeah, and I think I faked the third one."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags touchy feely institute, teamwork, exercise, trust, son blank checks, excellent quality, other people should have, health

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dilbert, Wally, Alice and Dogbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I've hired the 'Dogbert Touchy-Feely Institute' to teach use about teamwork." Dogbert says, "We'll start with an exercise about trust. I want each of you to sign blank checks and give them to me." As they all hand Dogbert checks, Dilbert asks, "What will this teach us about trust?" Dogbert replies, "It will teach you that trust is an excellent quality for other people to have."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags team building exercise, build trust, trust, not biggest problem

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to Dilbert, the Boss and Wally, "This exercise will build trust. The partner in front will fall. The partner behind will break the fall." The Boss falls backward toward Dilbert. The Boss falls to the floor. Dogbert says, "Okay, maybe trust isn't your biggest problem here."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags team building, exercise, solve problems, working sundial, pencil, donut, make any differnce, health

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to Alice, Dilbert, the Boss and Wally, "This next exercise will challenge your ability to solve problems as a team." Dogbert says, "Build a working sundial using only a pencil and a donut." Four hours later, the Boss says with his mouth full, "One more bite isn't going to make any difference." The pencil lies next to a pile of crumbs on the table. Dilbert covers his eyes and sobs.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hopeless, losers, pencil, team building exercise, union rlules

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice, Dilbert, Wally and the Boss sit around a table. The Boss is sleeping. Alice yells, "It's hopeless! You're losers! We'll never make a sundial out of a pencil and an eaten donut!" The janitor enters the room and says, "Hee hee! All you had to do was stick the pencil in the donut." The janitor lies over the table with the pencil sticking out of his back. Dilbert says, "We just broke all kinds of union rules." Wally says, "But hey! Look at the shadow from the pencil!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags abandon startegy, making good products, ours strategy mergers, business spin offs, random reorgozations, accelerate, stock price, fruitless partnerships

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss reads a document and tells Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "The company announced that we will 'abandon our strategy of making good products . . .'" The Boss continues, "From now on we'll 'pursue a desperate strategy of mergers, business spin-offs, fruitless partnerships and random reorganizations.'" The Boss reads, "And we'll accelerate our program of paying the good employees to leave." Dilbert asks Wally, "Stock price?" Wally looks at his monitor and replies, "Up three points."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dying comapny, fully understand, stock rose, boneheaded, competitive edge

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss tells Dilbert and Wally, "In today's news, our company has decided to buy another dying company in a business we don't fully understand." The Boss continues, "Our stock rose five points on the announcement." Wally asks Dilbert, "Why does our stock go up every time we do something boneheaded?" Dilbert replies, "I like to think of it as our competitive advantage."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, cubicle plan, densification project, dignity, evil director, human resources, lower morale, patented head cubicle, recycled, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Catbert, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Mr. Catbert, our evil director of human resources, will describe our new cubicle plan." Catbert says, "Last year we reduced the size of cubicles in the densification project." Catbert continues, "We didn't save much money, but we did lower morale." Catbert continues, "This year we'll build on that success . . ." Catbert holds a square box and says, "With the patented 'Head Cubicle.'" Catbert lifts the Head Cubicle and says, "Hold still, Wally." Catbert says, "And the head cubicle can be recycled after you're downsized!" The cubicle covers Wally's head. Dilbert, Alice and Wally wear the cubicles on their heads. Alice says, "We really need to draw the line at some point." Dilbert adds, "While we still have our dignity."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags pager vibrate, not wearing, classic case, phantom pager, technology workers, relocate it

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert lies on a couch in a therapist's office. Dilbert says, "On weekends I'll feel my pager vibrate . . . But when I go to check it, I realize I'm not wearing it." The psychologist replies, "It's a classic case of phantom-pager syndrome. It's common among technology workers." The psychiatrist adds, "There's no treatment for it." Dilbert says, "I don't want to treat it. I want to relocate it."