2020 Comic Strips - Page 26

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Reasonable Doubt

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Reasonable Doubt    - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, office workers, employees, health, leader, coronavirus, indoor, face mask, kill, doubt, sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: that stupid coronavirus is no match for a healthy, young leader such as yourself. freedom demands that you go to crowded indoor places without wearing your mask. boss: are you trying to kill me? carol: i'd say there's reasonable doubt.

Management Got Virus

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Management Got Virus   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, health, management, coronavirus, quarantined, work, wisdom, idiot, theme, face mask, sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

catbert: the entire management team has contracted coronavirus and is quarantined. they asked me to tell you to stop working, because without their wisdom, you idiots will ruin everything. any questions? dilbert: no, i think you covered the main themes.

Spreading Virus

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Spreading Virus  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coronavirus, covid-19, business, health, spread, face mask, happiness, immune system, medical, Advice, doctor, manage

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: they say the best way to manage the coronavirus is to spread it to people you dislike. the happiness you get from that will boost your immune system. dilbert: maybe i'll get medical advice from an actual doctor. dogbert: they leave out the good stuff.

Artificial Dumbness

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Artificial Dumbness  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, cell phone, managers & supervisors, technology, software, invention, artificial, dumb, human, face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: my new software invention is called "artificial dumbness." it acts dumb so humans will think they are talking to one of their own. boss: that couldn't possibly work. dilbert's phone echos: that couldn't possibly work.

Betting On Management

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Betting On Management  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags covid-19, business, technology, confidence, management, infection, coronavirus, bet, stupidity, income, betting, health

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: does it reduce your confidence in our management that 100% of them got infected with coronavirus. wally: all i know is that i won $300 betting it would happen. dilbert: how often do you bet on their stupidity? wally: often enough to double my income.

Augmented Reality

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Augmented Reality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, business, introduction, reality, glasses, social media, history, impressions, dumb, face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

girl: my name is ... dilbert: stop right there. my augmented reality glasses are showing me your entire social media history. girl: i hope it makes a good first impression. dilbert yelling: my god, you are dumb!

Applying Math To Guesses

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Applying Math To Guesses - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, managers & supervisors, employment, business, analysis, discount rate, installation, maintenance, project, technology, math, guess, sarcasm, face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: how confident are you in your analysis? dilbert: very confident. boss: good. dilbert: unless i used the wrong discount rate, which is hard to know. boss: but otherwise, it's solid? dilbert: except for the installation and maintenance costs, which are wild guesses. and we don't know if we sized the project right, so costs could be double or triple. boss: it sounds as if you applied math to a bunch of wild guesses. dilbert: yes, but i got the result you wanted. boss: next time, just say that.

Survivor Guilt

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Survivor Guilt  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coronavirus, managers & supervisors, business, double, income, pandemic, covid, survivor guilt, sympathy, face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: well, i personally doubled my income during the pandemic. now i have a bad case of survivor guilt. dilbert: do you expect to get much sympathy for that? ceo: i won't know until i try.

Doubled Income

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Doubled Income - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, sarcasm, business, income, double, insincere, gesture, pandemic, people, suffering, coronavirus, appearance, empathy, face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: we doubled our income during the pandemic, and it isn't a good look. we need to make some sort of insincere gesture of support for people who are suffering. dilbert: or we could actually help people. boss: i'm thinking more along the lines of a sign in the foyer.

Trick Question

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Trick Question  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, interview, question, trick, blm, black lives matter, dismissed, employment

View Transcript

Transcript

catbert: we added the following trick question to our interview process... do black lives matter? interviewee: yes, of course. catbert: say more about that. interviewee: i think all... catbert yelling and pointing: dismissed!