Hiring The Best Comic Strips - Page 26
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View 251 - 260 results for hiring the best comic strips. Discover the best "Hiring The Best" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share October 02, 1999's comic on:
Dilbert and a woman each hold a wine glass. The woman says, "So, what do you do for a living?" Dilbert says, "I slavishly obey the insane commands of a pointy-haired baboon." The woman says, "The sad thing is that you're the best catch at this party." Dilbert says, "I work in a big box."
Share August 30, 1999's comic on:
Caption:"Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert sits at a desk across from Asok. Catbert says, "We like to promote from within the company Asok." Catbert says, "But what we like even more is yanking your chain and the hiring from outside!" Catbert say, "Explain why you work here if you're so smart." Asok says, "I'm timid."
Share May 30, 1999's comic on:
The boss hands Alice a piece of paper. The boss says, "Alice make a few changes to this contract." Alice says, "Changes? This contract was signed months ago." The boss says, "It doesn't hurt to ask." Alice says, "You want me to ask for a sixty percent discount?" The boss says, "No one said it would be easy." Alice says, "You're asking me to be a clueless jerk in front of our primary vendor." Alice says, "Please don't ask me to do this." The boss says, "And ask if they'll change the part about "acts of God" to include poltergeists." The boss walks away and thinks, "That's why our vendors never try to steal our best employees."
Share November 26, 1998's comic on:
Caption: "Job Counseling" Dogbert sits at his desk, tail wagging. A moron stands on the other side. Dogbert says, "We'll need to disguise the fact that you're a moron." Dogbert says, "Ironically, the best way is to become an expert in something called "knowledge management." The moron's hair, shirt and tie are messy. The moron's eyes are vacant. The moron sits in a metting next to the Boss. The moron says, "We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings." The Boss thinks, "Smart."
Share November 08, 1998's comic on:
Wally sits in the Boss' office. The Boss says, "Wally, you haven't done any actual work in years, and yet we continue to pay you." Wally says, "Have I said thanks?" The Boss replies, "I'd fire you, but your performance reviews are all 'excellents." The Boss continues, "So, my plan is to make your job a living hell until you quit." Wally raises his fist and says, "You'll never win! My standards are lower than you can imagine!" The Boss says, "I'll start by moving you to a smaller cubicle." Wally crosses his arms and says, "Is that the best you got? Ha! Ha! Ha!" Wally is in a bathroom stall on the phone. He says, "Mom, guess who got an office with a door!"
Share October 23, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert walks up to the Boss. Dilbert guides the headless man by the collar. Dilbert says, "The new guy isn't working out." The Boss says, "Why not?" Dilbert says, "Maybe because he has no head." The Boss frowns. The Boss says,"So, you think that I made a mistake hiring him?" Dilbert says, "Um... no. But the new guy thinks so." The boss shakes his fists. The Boss says, "Then he's fired for insubordination."
Share September 13, 1998's comic on:
The Boss stands in casual clothes and says, "It's time for my annual inspirational talk." The Boss says, "We must work twice as hard, or the competition will crush us!" Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in front of the Boss as he continues, "I want you to feel afraid twenty-four hours a day." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: wouldn't hat lower the quality of our lives?" Wally says, "Seems like it might." Wally continues, "I'm too afraid to work here now. I wonder if our competitor's are hiring?" Alice raises her hand and asks, "Question: should we continue to be afraid of our own management's incompetence?" The Boss replies, "Let's compromise. I'll agree to cut the meeting short if you'll all agree to feel worse in some way." The Boss leaves the meeting and thinks, "No I remember why I only inspire them once a year."
Share August 10, 1998's comic on:
Caption: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert interviews a man. Catbert says, "Are you able to work while being constantly interrupted?" The man says, "No. I would be totally ineffective, just like anyone else." Catbert says, "We were done with the section you had to answer honestly." The man says, "Oh. In that case, interruptions make me stronger."
Share August 01, 1998's comic on:
Ratbert stands on a garbage can. Garbage Man collects the garbage. Ratbert says, "Do you mind if I jump on the garbage?" Ratbert says, "I don't know why, but when I see a fresh pile of garbage, I just want to jump up and down on it." Ratbert jumps on the garbage and screams, "Yee-ha!!" Garbage Man thinks, "The best things in life are silly." Garbage Man smiles.
Share May 22, 1998's comic on:
Wally, The Boss, and Allen the Sycophant sitting at table. The Boss says, "That's my plan. What does everyone think?" Allen exclaims, "Brilliant!" The Boss and Dilbert looking at Allen as he raves, "THAT IS THE BEST PLAN EVER MADE!! WOW! OOH-WAH! YOU DA MAN!!" The Boss says, "That's the type of honest feedback we need." Allen says, "I love it when you exhale in my direction."