Violating Personal Space Comic Strips - Page 26
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Dilbert sits at his desk. Wally enters his cubicle and asks, "May I borrow your pen for a minute?" Dilbert says to his pen, "Farewell, little friend. You have always been true. May the wind be at your back. I . . . I . . . Love you . . ." Wally hands the pen back to Dilbert and says, "Uh . . . Could I borrow one which you've had less of a personal relationship with?" Dilbert asks, "How about Brenda?"
Dogbert and George Lucas walk down a hallway in a movie studio. Lucas says, "My first film was the 1969 moon landing." Lucas shows Dogbert a globe, an astronaut doll and a model rocket. Lucas says, "The spacemen were actually Barbie dolls wrapped in aluminum foil." Lucas plays with two dolls and says, "Help! Ken! Help! I'm out of air! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!" Dogbert says, "I guess you had help with the writing."
Dogbert asks Dilbert, "Seriously, how do we know the news isn't all faked??" Dilbert says, "Geez, Dogbert, get over it. Why don't you just call George Lucas and ask him if he's doing the whole thing with special effects?" At the Lucas Ranch, a man holding a mannequin says to George Lucas, "We built a new Dan Rather, but it still doesn't look lifelike." A man sitting at a table plays with a Space Shuttle on a string.
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. As they watch television, Dogbert asks, "How do we know that the news isn't faked in Hollywood?" Dogbert continues, "Why is there exactly thirty minutes of world news every night? And why don't major stories ever happen on weekends?" Dogbert points at the tv and says, "And I'm sure I see a string attached to the space shuttle." Dilbert says, "Worse yet, it's a rerun."
Dilbert sits at a conference table with three people. Dilbert thinks, "I haven't spoken for this whole meeting." Dilbert thinks, "I'll wait for a quiet space and chime in with something that makes me look smart." The man next to Dilbert asks, "Does anybody have any unproductive yet insightful comments to show how smart they are?" Dilbert waves his hand and says, "Yo."
Dilbert says to Wally, "I just read that in a few years you will be able to access all of the news and information of the world from your personal computer." Dilbert continues, "You probably saw the same article in today's paper." Wally replies, "I don't read a paper." Dilbert thinks as he walks away, "What's wrong with this picture?"
The strip is titled, "Dogbert's guide to your tax dollars." A vacuum cleaner sucks up dollar bills. Dogbert says, "Did you ever wonder how all that tax money gets spent? Roll the tape." The caption says, "Inventing secret things." Two scientists look at a device. One of them says, "It doesn't look like much, but it'll smart like crazy if you sit on it." The caption says, "Sending secret things into space." The other scientist says, "Maybe we'd better classify it secret and send it into space with the other stuff." The caption says, "Education." A teacher says, "Sex will kill you, food will kill you, smoking will kill you, alcohol will kill you, drugs will kill you . . ." The children sitting at their school desks look frightened. The caption says, "Art grants for things you aren't open-minded enough to appreciate." Dilbert looks at a shoe sitting on a pedestal. The artist says, "I call it 'The Bug I Hated.'" The caption says, "Advanced health care." Two doctors stand next to a bed where a skeleton lies. One physician says, "You were right, Benson. X-rays and microwaves are not the same thing." The caption says, "Paying Congress." A senator says, "Our raises came through!" Another says, "I think I'll send myself a thank-you note!"
Dogbert approaches three boys in scout uniforms. He says, "Attention, beaver troup! I am Dogbert, your new leader." Dogbert continues, "Mrs. Philbininski, your previous troop leader, ran off with the mailman." Dogbert picks up a chair and says, "I volunteered to lead the troop . . ." Dogbert stands on the chair and continues, ". . . So I could mold your putty-like brains into tools to serve my personal amibition for world conquest." Dogbert continues, "You will be my army of obedient servants." Dogbert shouts, "We will march together toward greatness!!!" One of the scouts says, "There's no merit badge for world conquest. We only work for merit badges." Dogbert walks on the sidewalk thinking, "Mrs. Philbininski ruined those kids."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the floor in front of the fireplace. Dilbert asks, "What do you want for Christmas, Dogbert?" Dogbert answers, "The usual: domination of earth, happiness at the expense of others, personal ego gratification." Dogbert asks, "And you?" Dilbert replies, "I want to feel greater love and understanding for other people." Dogbert asks, "Even obnoxious and cynical people?" Dogbert continues, "And people who laugh at you for being an idealistic simpleton?" Dilbert thinks. Dilbert pats Dogbert's head and replies, "Yeah." Dogbert says, "Merry Christmas, Dilbert."
Dilbert and three men sit at a table eating lunch. A man says, "Yeah, I once built an FM transmitter from old television parts . . ." Another man says, "That's nothing . . . I built a broadband multiplexer from tuna cans and a lamp." Dilbert says, ". . . My first orbiting space station was made entirely from old socks and Vaseline." Dilbert thinks, "I hate going last."