Best Comedy So Far Comic Strips - Page 26

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409 Results for Best Comedy So Far

View 251 - 260 results for best comedy so far comic strips. Discover the best "Best Comedy So Far" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #controlling gaze, #lazy, #management experts, #managers & supervisors, #one on one meetings, #regular does, #theiveing, #underlings, #work ethic, #toxic saboteur, #business

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Boss: Management experts say bosses should have frequent one-on-one meeting with underlings. Apparently, you need regular doses of my controlling gaze to prevent you from evolving into a lazy, thieving, toxic saboteur. Carol: It's working great. So far I feel less lazy about doing the other things you mentioned.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #confusion, #drank sewage, #happiness, #prototype, #untreated sewage, #water purification, #psychology

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Dilbert: Let me tell you what kind of day I had at work. There was some confusion about my water purification prototype, and our CEO drank eight ounces of untreated sewage. Dogbert: So... best day ever? Dilbert: It'll be hard to top.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #crimes, #engineers, #engineering question, #holiday lights, #homeless guy, #catapult, #satellite map, #fell off roof, #flight oath, #neighbors pool, #broken leg, #heartless

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Boss: Do you have a minute to answer an engineering question? My wife is out of town visiting her sister. She asked me to put up the holiday lights while she was gone. I hired a homeless guy to do it and he fell off the roof. What's the easiest way to get rid of the body before my wife comes home? Dilbert: Your question is disturbing, but I'm intrigued by the engineering part. Here's a design for a catapult you can build at home. And here's a satellite map showing the best flight path to a neighbor's pool. Did he die right away? Boss: No, just a broken leg.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #embarrassment, #internet & world wide web, #twitter account, #inspirational tweets, #racist rants, #spelled jokes, #terrorist websites, #boss's twitter

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Boss: When I asked you to manage my Twitter account I assumed you knew I was expecting inspirational tweets. So far, all you've tweeted under my name are racist rants, misspelled jokes, and links to terrorist websites. Carol: To be fair, every one of those tweets was inspirational to someone.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors, #appleby ceo, #admit wrongs, #other people, #humbly admit, #business

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CEO: The CEO of Apple says a leader should admit when he's wrong. That won't work for me because I'm never wrong. The best I can do is admit when other people are wrong. Boss: That sort of misses the point. CEO: Well, I humbly admit you're wrong.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #suspicion, #high level of trust, #employees, #performance, #scam, #business

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Dilbert: Studies show that companies with a high level of trust in employees also perform the best. Boss: If you ever start performing well, I'll trust you, too. Dilbert: This didn't go the way I hoped. Boss: What kind of scam are you trying to pull?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #monsters, #taxes, #sadistic monster, #income tax code, #complicated, #regressive tax codes, #like minds

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Monster: The best part of being a sadistic monster is that my job is to write the income tax code. Look how complicated I made it. Hee hee! Dogbert: You do good work, Stanky. Monster: But is it regressive enough? Dogbert: It's like we share a brain because you keep saying what I'm thinking.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #stock market, #hedge fund compnay, #investment fund, #misleading claims, #3 week period, #money

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Dogbert: The best way to evaluate an investment fund is to look at its misleading claims of past performance. The Dogbert Hedge Fund beat the market average for a three-week period... that one time. Boss: Can you do that again? Dogbert: It depends on what you mean by "that." ----

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dog, #financial planner, #troglodyte, #Advice, #soften up, #meeting, #insult, #yell, #scream, #put down, #animals, #business

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Dogbert the financial planner Dogbert: Investing is far too complicated for your tiny brain. You are a financial troglodytle!!!" Man: Do I get some advice now? Dogbert: No, our first meeting is just to soften you up.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #code monkey, #dreams, #evil director, #less work, #software simian, #architect, #engineering

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Wally: I'd like to change my job title to something with 'architect' in it. My dream is to do less work while allegedly being more valuable. Catbert: The best I can do is 'code monkey. Wally: How about 'software simian'?"