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Blame Rolls Downhill

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Blame Rolls Downhill - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 15, 2016's comic on:


Tags #blame, #responsibility, #management

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Boss: Our CEO blamed the Sales department for our low revenue. Sales blamed Marketing and Marketing blamed Engineering. Guess why I'm here. Dilbert: To shield me from unfair accusations?

Sales Is Blaming Marketing

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Sales Is Blaming Marketing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 2016's comic on:


Tags #sales, #responsibility, #blame, #business

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Boss: Our salespeople are blaming Marketing for the low demand. Marketing is blaming Engineering for making a product no one wants. So I blamed our customers for misleading us about their needs. Asok: Now I don't feel so bad about our price-gouging.

Tina Gives Buy In

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Tina Gives Buy In - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2016's comic on:


Tags #negotiation, #money, #price, #cost, #value

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Dilbert: I need everyone's buy-in on my project. Tina: You can have my buy-in for $25. Dilbert: Ted only charged me $15. Tina: It isn't my fault that Ted is a bad negotiator.

Seventeen Hour Flight To Elbonia

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Seventeen Hour Flight To Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 2016's comic on:


Tags #fair, #comfort, #flying, #money, #budget, #cost, #selfish

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Dilbert: The flight to Elbonia is seventeen hours. Can I fly business class? Boss: No, because your pain will be temporary, but I won't get my bonus if I go over budget. Try being a team player for once. Dilbert: I didn't know Satan had a team.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2017's comic on:


Tags #sarcasm, #obliviousness, #future, #psychic

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Boss: Do these cost estimates include everything? Dilbert: Yes, because I know what happens in the future. I didn't think I could accurately predict the future until you trusted me to put this budget together. I thought there were too many variables to know how things will turn out. But I defer to your superior opinion. Wait... I'm getting another message from the future. It says to raise the software budget by nine dollars. Boss: Okay, that sounds right. Dilbert: Of course it does. Trust your instincts.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 2017's comic on:


Tags #tldr, #email, #communication, #patience, #criticism

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Man: Did you read my email? Dilbert: No, it was too long. Man: Maybe you could read it when you have more time. Dilbert: I never have time to read email messages that are too long. Maybe you could rewrite it to be shorter. Man: I don't have time to rewrite it. Dilbert: And I don't have time to read it. Man: If no one reads that email, it will mean I wasted two hours writing it. Dilbert: Plus, you're wasting my time right now. Don't forget to include that in your failure assessment. Man: I had high hopes for that email. Dilbert: It's a sunk cost. Let it go.

Why Did The Algorithm Bump Dilbert

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Why Did The Algorithm Bump Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 18, 2017's comic on:


Tags #airlines, #air travel, #flight, #overbooking, #customer service

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Dilbert: Why did your algorithm pick me to be bumped from the full flight? Is it because I had the lowest-cost ticket? Agent: It was that plus your lack of upper body strength.

Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company

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Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2017's comic on:


Tags #research, #truth, #accuracy, #lying, #market research, #yes-man, #science

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Dogbert: I'm the CEO of Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company. My services cost less than regular research because all I do is tell you whatever you want to hear. CEO: Is that defensible? Dogbert: I'm sensing you want a yes on that.

Robots In Management

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Robots In Management - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 2017's comic on:


Tags #managers, #loopholes, #robot, #automation, #murder, #killing, #productivity

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Boss: Our experiment with robots in management has been a success. Productivity is way up since they started killing the low-performing humans. CEO: But... that's murder. Boss: Only when humans do it. We found a loophole.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #my value, #new assignments, #projects, #slow walker, #rivals in management

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The Boss: Wally, Im promoting you to the position of slow walker. Wally: I am almost curious about what that entails. The Boss: I'll be giving you all the assignments that could make my rivals in management successful. All you have to of is low walk those projects until they die from lack of energy. Wally: Its about time you recognized my value. Ive been pre[aring for this moment all of my life. The Boss: Meet me in my office in ten minutes for you new assignments. You're supposed to be here two hours ago. Wally: Is it too soon to ask for a raise?