Men Vs Women Comic Strips - Page 26
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"Erk! That look says you want to kill me for expressing my opinion!" "No, no." "Women have a thousand expressions that say they want you to die. That one says she wants you to die of natural causes, preferably soon." Budda budda budda "She calls this one 'The Wood Chipper.'"
"With your billions of dollars, I don't understand why you live here?" "I don't. I live in an underground city of interconnected palaces. The elevator is in your linen closet." "We billionaires only come topside to take your coffee and your women." "Hola, Dogbert." "Oh."
"Human resources tells me that you refused to take the random drug test." "I didn't refuse. I literally can't do it because I have a shy bladder. It's a medical condition that 7% of men have." "I hope you will understand." "It's a side effect of the nose candy, right?"
Patty the Amplifier and Distorter "Tell the project team that we're pushing back the schedule by a week." "I can't tell you the reason because you would amplify and distort it." "THE SCHEDULE IS CHANGING BECAUSE DILBERT HATES WOMEN!!!"
"Steve, ask everyone in the department to sign this birthday card for my secretary." "I've led men in combat and this is the sort of assignment you give me???" "Also, run down to the convenience store and buy her something fluffy or orange."
"Women know all about diets. Which one should I use?" "Should I go with the one that makes me miserable and doesn't work, or the one that might kill me?" "If you do both, I won't ask for anything on National Secretary's Day."
Sales Engineer "Your sales rep told us that the product heals itself. Is that true?" Dilbert: It's totally true...that he said that. sales engineer: Let me ask this another way... Dilbert: NOOO!!! One way per question!"
Carol, I hired famed archaeologist Dogbert to find the budget report in the clutter of your desk. Dogbert: This appears to be a copier repairman skull, possibly a ricoh or kyocera. I think he used tools. Carol: Not fast enough."
Dilbert says, "Can I could on your cooperation for the next phase of the project?" Woman says, "No." Woman says, "You emit the musky scent of failure. Women can detect that sort of thing." Dilbert says, "Would a bath fix it?" Woman says, "How long are you willing to stay submerged?"
The Boss says, "Alice, I'm sending you to cultural sensitivity training before we meet with the Elbonians." The Boss says, "Last time you almost started a war." Alice says, "I made one little mistake." FLASHBACK Alice says, "And here's another way the women in my country are different." POW!!!