Operating System Comic Strips - Page 26
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265 Results for Operating System
View 251 - 260 results for operating system comic strips. Discover the best "Operating System" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday April 04,
2018
Value Of An Employee's Life
Tags #big business, #ethics, #morals, #morality, #death, #damage, #value, #medical
Transcript
Dilbert: The proposed system would reduce accidental employee deaths by 20 percent. CEO: What is the ratio of the value of an employee's life compared to real people? Dilbert: I find your question disturbing. CEO: Just tell me the answer, halfling!
Saturday May 12,
2018
Purchasing Did Not Order Part
Tags #delays, #excuses, #laziness, #work ethic, #scapegoat, #deadline, #delay
Transcript
Wally: The purchasing department rejected my request for a key system part because of a typo on their form. But they didn't tell me for three months, so now my product launch will be delayed by that much. Boss: But they finally ordered the part? Wally: I call that unknowable.
Wednesday September 05,
2018
Candor Monster
Tags #the boss, #carol, #radical candor, #therapy, #criticism, #monster
Transcript
The Boss: My new system of using "radical candor," is working out great. I've been criticizing people all morning and only three of them went into therapy over it. Now I turn my candor to you. Carol: Die, monster!
Friday February 22,
2019
Darkest Before The Dawn
Tags #business, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers
Transcript
Alice: Our product pipeline looks dismal. Boss: It's always darkest before the dawn. Alice: You're comparing product development to the solar system. I don't know what to do with that. Boss: What would Jesus do?
Monday July 22,
2019
Half Are Doing All The Work
Tags #business, #employees, #employment, #fire, #work
Transcript
boss: according to experts, about half of all employees are typically doing 100% of the work. i plan to beat the system by firing half of you. dilbert: wouldn't you need to keep firing half of whoever was left until you were down to one employee? boss: yes, but imagine how hard he will work.
Sunday September 15,
2019
Wally Wears Headphones
Tags #employees, #irritation, #office workers, #avoidance, #hear, #headphones
Transcript
Alice: Do you have a minute? Wally: I can't hear you because I'm wearing noise-cancelling headphones. Alice: Maybe you could take them off for a minute. Wally: I have no idea what you are saying because I'm wearing noise-cancelling headphones. Alice: Then take them off! Wally: If I am reading your lips correctly, I believe you are asking me to "flurp tingo gloop". Alice: Forget it! I'll just let my project fail! Dilbert: How is your anti-co-worker defense system working out? Wally: I can't hear you.
Thursday January 02,
2020
Inefficiency
Tags #managers & supervisors, #inefficient, #process, #obsolete, #market, #technology, #multidisciplinary, #systems, #fight, #fire
Transcript
alice: our internal processes are so inefficient that we can't get products to market before they are obsolete. boss: i'll create a multidisciplinary task force to look into it. alice: you want to use an inefficient system to fix an inefficient system? boss: it's called fighting fire with fire.
Sunday March 08,
2020
Elbonian Consultant
Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #consultant, #elbonia, #people, #local, #problem, #distribution, #execute, #Opinion, #barber
Transcript
boss: i hired an elbonian consultant because we couldn't afford anyone local. dilbert: have you ever consulted in this country? elbonian consultant: no, but people are people, so i assume it isn't that different from elbonia. boss: that's enough chitchat. tell us what we should do about the problems in our distribution system. elbonian system: i recommend executing one of your distributors as a warning to the others. boss: i'm going to need a second opinion. elbonian consultant: my second opinion is that your barber must hate your guts.
Thursday March 05,
2020
Wally Prefers Systems
Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #office workers, #goals, #question, #answer, #system, #year
Transcript
dilbert: what are your goals for the year? wally: i prefer systems over goals. dilbert: okay, what are your systems? wally: none of them involve answering questions.
Monday March 09,
2020
Dogbert In The Cloud
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #personal, #information, #cloud, #safe, #worry, #trust, #manage, #system, #browser, #history
Transcript
boss: i'm concerned that storing my personal information in the cloud is not safe. dilbert: don't be such a worrier. i'm sure we can trust the people who manage those systems to keep us safe. somewhere in the cloud dogbert: hee-hee! look at the browser history on this bunion-having loser.