Stock Market Comic Strips - Page 26
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266 Results for Stock Market
View 251 - 260 results for stock market comic strips. Discover the best "Stock Market" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday August 16,
2017
Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company
Tags research, truth, accuracy, lying, market research, yes-man, science
Transcript
Dogbert: I'm the CEO of Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company. My services cost less than regular research because all I do is tell you whatever you want to hear. CEO: Is that defensible? Dogbert: I'm sensing you want a yes on that.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Thursday August 17,
2017
Ideal Customer
Tags market research, sham, yes-man, demographics
Transcript
Dogbert: My research shows that your ideal customer is a male Olympic athlete between the ages of 120 and 145. And just to be safe, you want that guy to not have a Yelp account. Boss: How many people are in that group? Dogbert: None, but my research will help you double that.
Monday December 04,
2017
Boss Finds A Thumb Drive
Tags computers, infection, malware, obliviousness, virus, hacker, hacking
Transcript
Boss: I found a thumb drive on the sidewalk. It must be my lucky day. It's like free money! Dilbert: Can free money infect our network, too? Boss: You worry too much. Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be selling all of my company stock.
Friday December 15,
2017
Doctor And Dopamine
Tags addiction, impulse control, social media, twitter, facebook, pharmaceuticals, drugs, gambling, technology
Transcript
Doctor: The MRI shows that your brain has been hijacked by dopamine pirates. You are now under the full control of social media corporations, gambling casinos, and big pharma. Boss: Are you writing me a prescription? Doctor: No, I'm buying stock in those companies.
Monday February 19,
2018
We're Not A Bunch Of Idiots
Tags marketing, damage control, slogan, tag line, image, business
Transcript
CEO: A feature article in the business press called our leadership a "bunch of morons." Boss: To counter that slanderous story, our new market slogan is "We're Not A Bunch Of Morons!" CEO: Problem solved. Boss: It was deceptively easy.
Tuesday June 19,
2018
Negotiating Expert
Tags consultant, negotiation, training, irony, obliviousness, business
Transcript
Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to negotiate. Normally, he charges triple the market rate, but I talked him down to double. Wally: Where is he? Boss: He said he's teaching us what happens when there's no performance clause in a contract.
Tuesday July 17,
2018
Elbonian Cabbage Juggling
Tags offense, offensive, racist, racism
Transcript
Dilbert: Here's my first cut at a sales video for our Elbonian market segment. Video: If you enjoy juggling cabbages while overdrinking, you'll love our products! Boss: This sounds kind of racist. Dilbert: Inebriated cabbage-juggling is their national sport.
Wednesday July 18,
2018
Elbonian Ninjas
Tags controversy, offense, offensive, threat, murder, ninja, optimism
Transcript
Boss: The sales video you made for our Elbonian market is causing a public relations crisis. Their government has ordered Elbonian ninjas to kill you in your sleep. Dilbert: In my sleep? The best way to die! Boss: Stop confusing my bad news with your good news.
Thursday November 22,
2018
Teach Employees To Code
Tags boss, computers, engineering, managers & supervisors, office workers, teaching, smart
Transcript
Boss: The job market is so tight we can't find any programmers. So I want you to teach some of our employees how to code. Dilbert: You mean the smart ones, I hope. Boss: No, we need the smart ones in their current jobs.
Friday November 23,
2018
Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People
Tags computers, insults, marketing, office workers, sales, teaching, smart
Transcript
Dilbert: My boss asked me to teach a class on coding because it is hard to find programmers in this job market. Are there any smart people in the class or do you all work in marketing and sales? Voice: What's that supposed to mean? Dilbert: Thank you. Is anyone else in sales?

