System Crashed Comic Strips - Page 26
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270 Results for System Crashed
View 251 - 260 results for system crashed comic strips. Discover the best "System Crashed" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday October 22,
2017
Transcript
Dilbert: Don't finish the software patch. We're replacing the entire system. Man: Why didn't you tell me sooner? Dilbert: I just found out. Man: While you were standing here. Dilbert: Um, no, I was standing somewhere else. Man: When? Dilbert: Twenty minutes ago. Man: Aha!!! You wasted twenty minutes of my time because you're a terrible person! Dilbert; I'm sorry. Now I feel awful. Man: You're just lucky I forgot to work on that patch.
Tuesday January 30,
2018
Kill Code In Car
Tags #self-driving cars, #technology, #invention, #murder, #control, #government
Transcript
Dilbert: The government forced me to put a "kill code" in the operating system for our self-driving cars. Dogbert: And by "kill code," you mean it will bring the vehicle to a controlled stop? Dilbert: No, you're thinking of a "stop code."
Monday January 29,
2018
Murder By Car
Tags #self-driving cars, #technology, #murder, #invention
Transcript
Wally: The pointy-haired boss is testing our self-driving car prototype. Hey, didn't you write the operating system for that prototype? Dilbert: Yes. Wally: Hypothetically, could you murder him from a distance? Dilbert: We shouldn't have this conversation. Narrator: Continued.
Sunday April 01,
2018
Tags #training, #frustration, #wasting time
Transcript
Man: Thank you all for coming to this mandatory class on using the new system. The new system installation is behind schedule, so I'll train you using the old system. Dilbert: we know how to use the old system. Man: I'll point out how the new system is different as we go. Dilbert: Is the new system a lot like the old system? Man: No. Totally different. Dilbert: This is the worst idea I've ever heard. Man: Here are some handouts from the old system's operating guide. Dilbert: This is the Japanese language part of the manual. Man: Are you going to complain about everything?
Monday March 19,
2018
Porch Thief Is Neutralized
Tags #violence, #retaliation, #delivery, #package, #stealing, #theft, #ring, #technology
Transcript
Alice: Uh-oh. My home security system is showing a thief stealing a package from my front door. Activating particle beam defense. The threat has been neutralized. Dilbert: When you say "neutralized," does that mean... Alice: Activating crime scene cleanup drone.
Wednesday April 04,
2018
Value Of An Employee's Life
Tags #big business, #ethics, #morals, #morality, #death, #damage, #value, #medical
Transcript
Dilbert: The proposed system would reduce accidental employee deaths by 20 percent. CEO: What is the ratio of the value of an employee's life compared to real people? Dilbert: I find your question disturbing. CEO: Just tell me the answer, halfling!
Saturday May 12,
2018
Purchasing Did Not Order Part
Tags #delays, #excuses, #laziness, #work ethic, #scapegoat, #deadline, #delay
Transcript
Wally: The purchasing department rejected my request for a key system part because of a typo on their form. But they didn't tell me for three months, so now my product launch will be delayed by that much. Boss: But they finally ordered the part? Wally: I call that unknowable.
Wednesday September 05,
2018
Candor Monster
Tags #the boss, #carol, #radical candor, #therapy, #criticism, #monster
Transcript
The Boss: My new system of using "radical candor," is working out great. I've been criticizing people all morning and only three of them went into therapy over it. Now I turn my candor to you. Carol: Die, monster!
Friday February 22,
2019
Darkest Before The Dawn
Tags #business, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers
Transcript
Alice: Our product pipeline looks dismal. Boss: It's always darkest before the dawn. Alice: You're comparing product development to the solar system. I don't know what to do with that. Boss: What would Jesus do?
Monday July 22,
2019
Half Are Doing All The Work
Tags #business, #employees, #employment, #fire, #work
Transcript
boss: according to experts, about half of all employees are typically doing 100% of the work. i plan to beat the system by firing half of you. dilbert: wouldn't you need to keep firing half of whoever was left until you were down to one employee? boss: yes, but imagine how hard he will work.