Ten Million Comic Strips - Page 26

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

336 Results for Ten Million

View 251 - 260 results for ten million comic strips. Discover the best "Ten Million" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stockholder, #meeting, #budget, #waste money, #panic attack, #pucker face, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Stockholder says, "Hi ho! I'm a common stockholder. I'm here to see how my investment is coming along." The Boss says, "Okay, first on the agenda, we need to blow our budget before year end so we don't get less money next year." The Boss says, "How many ten-dollar mouse pads can we get for $10,000?" Stockholder says, "I hope this is a panic attack."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoyed, #angry, #put off work, #information, #time, #broomstick, #witch

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Sorry, I didn't have time to get the information you asked for." Woman says, "You're saying that for an entire week, every single thing you did was more important than my ten-minute request?" Dilbert says, "Yes, but the way I said it doesn't make me think of a broomstick."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #worried, #nervousness, #humor, #laziness, #occupation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I'm tense because the company is downsizing and I have no project." Wally says, "Being worthless at work is only hard for the first ten years. After that it's a lifestyle." Dilbert says, "I didn't say I was worthless." Wally says, "Now you're making me nostalgic for my old denial phase."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #plan, #revenue, #excitement, #hair, #money sign

View Transcript

Transcript

Vijay, the world's worst venture capitalist Dilbert says, "A hundred million people need this type of service." Dilbert says, "I already built the website and people are signing up." Foop! $ Vijay says, "When we negotiate my equity stake, focus on my poker face and not my optimistic hair." Yeeha!!!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales, #economy, #ridiculous, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert in sales Salesman says, "We had to be more creative because of the soft economy." Salesman says, "now we kill our customers and replace them with body doubles who place big orders." Customer says, "Who's the handsome new sales guy?" Salesman says, "He's you in about ten minutes."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiations, #unfair, #greed, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the CEO man says, "The union will agree to deep cuts if you agree to work for one dollar per year." Dogbert says, "I agree, as long as I get my pay in advance and the mandatory retirement age is waived." Man says, "Fine." Dogbert says, "Call payroll and tell them to cut a check for my next ten billion years of service."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bragging, #birth, #doubtful, #editing, #wikipedia, #lying

View Transcript

Transcript

Topper Carol says, "My first baby weighed 12 pounds. I gave birth in the cap of a stolen backhoe." Topper says, "That's nothing!" Topper says, "I once passed a gallstone so big that it became secretary of labor in the Clinton administration." Carol says, "I find that hard to believe." Topper says, "Give me ten minutes and then check wikipedia."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #talking, #discussing, #plan, #deception, #greed, #corruption

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We'll start ten mutual funds, each with randomly chosen stocks." Dogbert says, "Later we'll build our advertisements around whichever one does the best purely by chance." Dogbert says, "My goal is to be the premier provider of imaginary expertise." Wag! Wag!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #complaining, #value, #recession, #ridiculous, #proud, #competing

View Transcript

Transcript

Topper Dilbert says, "The value of my home is down about 40%" Topper says, "That's nothing!" Topper says, "I paid a homeless Elbonian family a million dollars to take my house." Dilbert says, "A recession isn't a competition." Topper says, "Said the loser."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stubborn, #stupidity, #project, #unavailable, #bureaucracy

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "Finish this project in two weeks." The boss says, "And make sure you get input from all the executive stakeholders." Dilbert says, "That's impossible." The boss says, "Why?" Dilbert says, "Let's call one of the ten stakeholders and I'll show you." Beep beep This is Ed Bigston's voice mail. I'm not available...ever. I am either on vacation, or sick, or traveling, or in a meeting. I do not check e-mail or return phone calls. Like the horizon, I am more of a concept than a corporeal being. Despair is your only option. The boss says, "Try faxing him."