Hate The Messenger Comic Strips - Page 27
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273 Results for Hate The Messenger
View 261 - 270 results for hate the messenger comic strips. Discover the best "Hate The Messenger" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday September 09,
2019
Scourge Of Teamwork
Tags help, insults, office workers, work, teams
Transcript
Man: Do you need any help on your project? Dilbert: No, I try to avoid the scourge of teamwork when-ever possible. Man: Isn't there any way I can be of service? Dilbert: Maybe you could offer to help someone I hate.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday October 19,
2019
Dilbert Is Bad At Reading Faces
Tags business, office workers, psychology, over sleeping, pancakes, hungry
Transcript
dilbert: i'm not good at reading faces. what does that one mean? man: it means i'm mad at myself for over sleeping and having to rush to work, so i hate your guts. dilbert: oh. i was guessing it was something about pancakes. probably because i'm hungry.
Sunday March 08,
2020
Elbonian Consultant
Tags managers & supervisors, business, consultant, elbonia, people, local, problem, distribution, execute, Opinion, barber
Transcript
boss: i hired an elbonian consultant because we couldn't afford anyone local. dilbert: have you ever consulted in this country? elbonian consultant: no, but people are people, so i assume it isn't that different from elbonia. boss: that's enough chitchat. tell us what we should do about the problems in our distribution system. elbonian system: i recommend executing one of your distributors as a warning to the others. boss: i'm going to need a second opinion. elbonian consultant: my second opinion is that your barber must hate your guts.
Sunday March 22,
2020
Time Stands Still
Tags business, technology, phone, search, time, bored, Win, still
Transcript
dogbert: i discovered a way to make time stand still. dilbert: that isn't possible. dogbert: i'll prove it. i just need to find something on my phone and show it to you. looking... looking... here it is! wait... no, that isn't it. looking... looking... dilbert distressed: gaaa! i'm so bored watching you look through your phone!!! time is standing still! you win...and i hate you. dogbert: totally worth it.
Tuesday April 14,
2020
Working On Vacation
Tags business, managers & supervisors, work, vacation, scold, enjoy, behind, train, broken
Transcript
dilbert: do you mind if i come to work on my vacation days? i hate being scolded for being behind in my work more that i enjoy taking vacations. boss: it seems i have trained you well. dilbert: no, i'm just broken.
Sunday May 03,
2020
Dilbert Hates Safety
Tags business, safety, anger, yelling, statistics, flaw, authority, health
Transcript
dilbert: your method of calculating the safety statistics is flawed. monkey man: wow. wait until i tell everyone you don't think safety matters. dilbert: i...didn't say that. i'm talking about the way you measured it. monkey man yelling: it's too late to walk it back now! dilbert: i'm not "walking it back." i'm clarifying. monkey man: there's nothing to clarify, you hate safety. dilbert yelling and waving arms: stop putting words in my mouth!! i'm a better authority on what i think than you are!!! boss in hallway: what was all that yelling about? monkey man: dilbert thinks safety doesn't matter.
Sunday December 13,
2020
Assigning Dilbert To Project
Tags business, technology, network, redesign, project, phase, positive, optimistic, assign, sarcasm
Transcript
boss: dilbert, i'm assigning you to the network redesign project. dilbert: what phase is that project in? is it in the initial stage, in which everyone is feeling positive and optimistic? or is it in the middle phase, in which everyone is finding away and hating the other team members? boss: it's in the death spiral phase. everyone is trying to assign blame to someone they already hate. they requested that i add you to the team. dilbert: to save the project? boss: um...okay, sure.
Tuesday February 02,
2021
General Incompetence
Tags business, technology, project, success, expectations, destroy, incompetent, sarcasm
Transcript
dilbert: in summary, my project was successful beyond all expectations. Colleague: my relative lack of success this year makes me hate you and want to destroy you. dilbert: what's stopping you? colleague: general incompetence. same thing that killed all of my projects.
Wednesday March 31,
2021
Dogbert Is Selective
Tags business, consultant, crisis, selective, client, jail, Advice, folksy, wisdom
Transcript
title: dogbert the crisis consultant. dilbert and dogbert on a walk. dogbert: i'm very selective about my clients. that's because clients who take my advice usually end up in jail. so i only take clients i hate. dilbert: i like your folksy wisdom.
Friday April 23,
2021
Zoom Could Have Been Worse
Tags business, embarrassment, technology, video call, zoom, time, waste, meeting, imbeciles, mic
Transcript
dilbert with dogbert on video call. dilbert: what a waste of time this zoom meeting is. i hate dealing with imbeciles. voice from laptop: your mic is on. dogbert: could have been worse.