On Line Course Comic Strips - Page 27

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

270 Results for On Line Course

View 261 - 270 results for on line course comic strips. Discover the best "On Line Course" comics from Dilbert.com.

Chemtrails

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Chemtrails - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, chemtrails, deadline

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: why didn't you get your report in on time? wally: do you believe chemtrails are real? the boss: of course i do. wally: the chemtrails slowed me down. the boss: okay, that sounds right.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, employees, office, office workers, pay raise, employee of the year

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i'm looking for nominations for employee of the year. the boss: does anyone have a suggestion? dilbert: hypothetically, would the winner of this award be likely to get a larger-than-normal pay raise? the boss: i would think so, yes. dilbert: and is it true that our budget for raises is limited? the boss: yes, of course. dilbert: would it not be against my best interests to nominate an employee who is competing with me for scarce resources? the boss: let's just forget i brought it up. dilbert: i nominate myself.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, strategy, variables, forecast

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: my profit forecast isn't aligning with our strategy the boss: try adding some variables. dilbert: what kind of variables? the boss: the kind that make our strategy line up with our profit forecasts. dilbert: but...then my forecast would not be accurate. the boss: it's already inaccurate because no one can forecast complicated things five years ahead. the boss: if we can't be accurate, we might as well be wrong in a way that is good for us in the near term. dilbert: you make a surprisingly robust argument for evil. the boss: and i was barely trying!

Denying Science

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Denying Science - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, medical, antidepressants, product, science

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert's tech support dogbert: i recommend taking powerful antidepressants. it won't make our product any easier to use, but maybe you won't care as much. of course it will work. sheesh! - deny science much?

Buzzflawed Interview

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Buzzflawed Interview - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managment, business, reporter, cheat, suppliers, question

View Transcript

Transcript

carol: a reporter for buzz flawed wants to interview you. boss: i don't see any downside to that! reporter: my first question is, do you still cheat all of your suppliers? boss: no! of course not. reporter: so. you're admitting you cheated your suppliers in the past? boss: get out of my office, you evil monster! reporter: okay, i got what i needed. one week later: voice from boss's smartphone: "the pudgy miscreant could not hide his glee when bragging about cheating his suppliers."

Knowing What Wally Does

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Knowing What Wally Does - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, performance, review, job, projects, expectations, heuristics

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i can't give you a good performance review because you haven't performed up to expectations. wally: do you even know what my job is? boss: of course i do. you're an engineer. wally: yes, but do you know what projects i'm working on? boss: well, various things, and some miscellaneous things too. wally: how can you determine my job performance when you don't know what my job is? boss: have you heard of heuristics? you're bad at everything i've observed, so i assume you are bad at everything else as well. wally: you should have started with that.

Mind Reader

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Mind Reader - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, plan, sabotage, mind reader, success, apology

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i don't think your plan will work. employee: pffft. of course you don't. you are trying to sabotage me because you are jealous of my success. dilbert: you read minds as well as you make plans. employee: apology accepted.

Spring Cleaning

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Spring Cleaning - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags baboons, birthday, business, cleaning, criminals, drunk, files, list, servers, spring, white-collar

View Transcript

Transcript

boss on cell phone: we need to do spring cleaning. delete any data on our servers that make us look like white-collar criminals or drunken baboons. dilbert: all that leaves is our birthday list. boss through phone line: torch that too.

Trick Question

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Trick Question  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, interview, question, trick, blm, black lives matter, dismissed, employment

View Transcript

Transcript

catbert: we added the following trick question to our interview process... do black lives matter? interviewee: yes, of course. catbert: say more about that. interviewee: i think all... catbert yelling and pointing: dismissed!

Recurring Charges

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Recurring Charges - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, cancel, online, charges, information, automated phone system, contact, website, microphone

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert at home: i'm going to try to cancel some recurring online charges today. wish me luck. dogbert: what resistance are you expecting? dilbert: obviously, they hide their contact information, so i allocated two hours to find the right phone number. it should take about an hour to navigate their automated phone system that will keep sending me to the wrong place. if i reach a human, he'll try to divert me to their website to cancel, which i already know won't work because... ...i won't be able to find my account in their system for reasons no one will ever be able to explain. and of course, their phone support person will be using a headset microphone that garbles his already mumbled words. dogbert: but if you stick with it, you will eventually succeed? dilbert: i don't know were you got that idea.