Ceo Comic Strips - Page 27
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627 Results for Ceo
View 261 - 270 results for CEO comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday October 26,
2011
Tags big business, business ethics, ceo needs underling, drink industrial sludge, risk of brain worms, drink himself
Transcript
Boss: Our CEO needs an underling to drink our industrial sludge at a press conference to prove it's safe. Asok: Um... is there some reason he doesn't do it himself? Boss: Yes, but I forget the details. It was something about the risk of brain worms.
Thursday October 27,
2011
Tags big business, business ethics, public speaking, spit take, industrial sludge, intern will drink
Transcript
CEO: I will prove our industrial sludge is safe by forcing an intern to drink a glass of it. Voice: That's stupid. We want to see you drink it yourself. CEO: See if you can reach that guy in the second row with a spit take.
Friday October 28,
2011
Tags business ethics, illness, industrial sludge, drank, has tail, lower iq points, bright future, quality assurance, marketing, zip line guide, business
Transcript
Dilbert: He's been like this since our CEO made him drink a glass of our industrial sludge at a press conference. It looped a few points off his I.Q., but he's still has a bright future in quality assurance or maybe marketing. And with his new tail he'd be an awesome zip line guide.
Tuesday November 01,
2011
Tags employees, executives, non giant situation, shoulders of giants, non giant, business
Transcript
CEO: As your CEO, if I have seen farther, it is only because I stood on the shoulders of giants. Plus whatever is going on over here. Dilbert: That's sort of a non-giant situation. Wally: And I haven't had shoulders since I was ten.
Tuesday December 06,
2011
Tags business ethics, taxes, warren buffet, tax rate, subsidizing mansion, condescending, show appreciation, ceo, high tax, worker
Transcript
CEO: Warren Buffett says your tax rate is higher than mine. Thank you for subsidizing my mansion, I really appreciate it. A good leader always shows appreciation to his underlings.
Thursday December 15,
2011
Tags industry & manufacturing, manufacturing, more green, ac units, elastic bands, hats covered eyes, don't shoot messenger, elbonian, engineering
Transcript
Boss: We told our Elbonian factory to be more green, so they turned off their AC units. The heat caused the elastic bands in their hats to stretch until their eyes were covered. And that's why we'll miss our ship date. CEO: They say you shouldn't shoot the messenger, but no one warns you how much you'll want to.
Wednesday December 21,
2011
Tags business ethics, wealth, ceo, good job, 50 million dollar bonus, not motivated, bad genes, inequality, dosaprity, ceo and worker, unfair wages, crazy money, slave wages, more work, no rewards, money
Transcript
Carol: What does our CEO get if he does a good job? Boss: A fifty million dollar bonus. Carol: What do I get if I do a good job? Boss: More work. Carol: What's your best guess about why I'm not motivated? Boss: Bad genes.
Sunday January 08,
2012
Tags appearences, big cubicle, loose weight, project leader, status system, toilet paper holder, wider cubicle
Transcript
Boss: Congratulations! I'm naming you project leader. As such, you are entitled to a cubicle that is three inches wider than standard. Dilbert: I like the one I have. Boss: You don't have a choice. It is critical that we maintain the integrity of the status system. Otherwise our CEO will look like a jerk for having a private bathroom with a trained falcon as a toilet paper holder. Dilbert: Fine. Where's my larger cubicle? Boss: Here's the awkward part. We don't have one. I need you to lose weight until it looks as if your cubicle is larger. Dilbert: And if I don't? Boss: The falcon needs an assistant.
Friday January 13,
2012
Tags business failures/bankruptcies, saving & investment, raises, debt crisis, economic uncertainty, board of directors, stock options, money
Transcript
Boss: I can't give you a raise because the Elbonian debt crisis has created economic uncertainty. Luckily for us, our board of directors granted our CEO more stock options so he won't leave during uncertain times. Dilbert: What happens when the uncertainty ends? Boss: Then he'll exercise stock options.
Saturday January 28,
2012
Tags absent mindedness, machinery, build robots, wait a week, forgets
Transcript
CEO: Stop everything you're doing and build robots. Dilbert: Let's wait a week and see if he forgets. Boss: Does that work? Alice: It works with you.


