Forgot Watch Comic Strips - Page 27
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Boss: Great update, Ted. Now let's hear what Dilbert did this week. Dilbert: I unnecessarily duplicated Ted's work because you forgot you asked bot of us to do the same task. Boss: And how about Alice? Alice: You're three for three.
Carol: My teenager wants to pierce his ear. Should I let him? Dilbert: Sure. It's only a tiny hole and it heals. Carol: Good point. Narrator: Next day. Carol: Now he wants a small tattoo. Dilbert: Well, if it doesn't show... Narrator: Next week. Carol: Now he wants to grow a human ear on his back, the way scientists did with that rat. Dilbert: As long as he can cover it with a shirt when he gets a job, I see no problem. You have to let him live his own life. Narrator: One week later. Carol: He joined ISIS. Dilbert: I forgot to mention that I'm no good at giving advice.
Boss: I'm not an engineer, so I don't know if you're doing the right things or not. And I can't watch you work, so I don't know if you're putting in any effort. Dilbert: That means you're totally worthless. Boss: I was going to say intuitive.
Woman: Do you want to go to dinner and a movie with me on Friday? Dilbert: That plan is poorly conceived. The best time to watch a movie is also the best time to eat. And what are the odds we want to see the same movie? You're a picky eater, so it would be a nightmare to decide where we both want to eat. One of us would have to compromise, and I assume it would be me. I'm offended by your offer to suboptimize my Friday experience. Woman: Do you have a better option? Dilbert: Nope. See you Friday.
Man: Did you watch any of the debates? Dilbert: Stop right there. I'm barely clinging to the illusion that you're competent at your job. Don't talk about politics or it will only get worse. Man: Did you know China caused climate change by hogging the sun? Dilbert: And there it is.
Tina: Sorry I'm late. Traffic was terrible. Dilbert: Isn't the traffic from your house always terrible at this time of day? Tina: Exactly! That's why I'm late every day. Dilbert: Do you see any way you could fix that? Tina: I can't control the traffic. Dilbert: You could leave earlier. Tina: Then I wouldn't get enough sleep. Dilbert; You could go to bed earlier. Tina: Then I wouldn't have time to watch Netflix until two in the morning. Do you want me to hate my life? Dilbert: I didn't until now.
Boss: I forgot to make an agenda for this meeting, so I'll just freestyle it with jargon. Let's do a deep dive in the big data and drill down until we hyperlocalize some disruptive technologies. That's enough leadership. Now the rest of you need something to do.
Dilbert: I fell asleep at the wheel because I stayed up all night to meet your deadline. I had to work all night because you made me attend a mandatory safety meeting yesterday. But at least I got my work done on time. Boss: I forgot to tell you the meeting got moved to next week.
Topper. Dilbert: I once signed my entire first name to a document. Topper: That's nothing! Watch me sign my entire full name to that document! Dilbert: Sometimes you can be predictable. Topper: That's nothing! I don't even have free will!