Buy Whatever Comic Strips - Page 27

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

373 Results for Buy Whatever

View 261 - 270 results for buy whatever comic strips. Discover the best "Buy Whatever" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #honest vendor, #not nice to meet, #weird, #spank hamster, #business is over reated, #repeat business

View Transcript

Transcript

THE HONEST VENDOR: Dilbert and the vendor reach to shake hands. The vendor says, "It wasn't nice to meet you." Shaking hands with Dilbert, the vendor says, "You didn't buy enough; I'll probably spank my hamster for no reason." The vendor thinks to himself, "Repeat business is over-rated."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #die from shame, #loss, #throw it, #window repair business, #honest vendor

View Transcript

Transcript

THE HONEST VENDOR: Dilbert looks at a new product. The vendor says, "Five minutes after you buy it you'll want to throw it through a window." The vendor says to Dilbert, "We sell these at a loss but we make it up with our window repair business." The plug falls off the product. Dilbert says, "It fell off." The vendor says, "Sometimes the components actually die from shame."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #equity analyst, #rate stock, #banking investment, #wall, #between businesses, #weasels

View Transcript

Transcript

Equity Analyst Weasel: I'll rate your stock a "Must buy now" If you give us your investment banking business. The Boss: aren't you supposed yo have a chinese wall between those two businesses? weasel: Am I Too early? Weasel 1: Use the door idiot

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #exactly man, #sell ten million, #idea won't work, #idea makes better

View Transcript

Transcript

THE "EXACTLY" MAN: Randy, looking at a piece of paper, says to Dilbert, "Your idea won't work. No one would buy this kind of product." Dilbert says, "We already sell ten million of these per year. My idea just makes them better." Randy exclaims, "Exactly!!" and Dilbert thinks, "?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers brain, #like pump, #prime it, #learns first, #form foundation, #future perceptions, #talking smack

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert and Dilbert watch The Boss who is in a coma at his desk. Catbert says, "A manager's brain is like a pump. If it becomes empty you must prime it." Catbert says to Dilbert, "Whatever he learns first will form the foundation for all of his future perceptions." Catbert points at Dilbert and says to The Boss, "This guy has been talking smack about you." The Boss begins to come to, saying, "Unh..."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dna, #feed her, #human genome, #human simulations, #invented, #mapped and decoded, #market application, #on computer watch, #punish her, #samples, #software, #software simulation, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok points to his diagram as he explains to the group, "My software will create human simulations from DNA samples." The Boss asks Asok, "What's the market application?" Asok answers, "Well...there are many various applications." The Boss says to Asok, "Name one." Asok begins to explain, "Well...someday the entire human genome will be mapped and decoded." Asok continues, "You could take a hair sample from a woman who refuses to date you..." Asok continues to explain, "and create a software simulation of her to keep in your computer watch." Asok says, "You could have one button to feed her and one button to punish her." Wally replies, "I'd buy it." The Boss asks Asok, "Can you add a button?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #strange words, #make sense, #pow, #buy card, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted says to Dilbert and Wally, "Uh-oh...suddenly this meeting and all the strange words make sense." Wally's head explodes. Wally says to Dilbert, "It's your turn to buy the card."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stirrup pants, #not professional, #filed patent, #50 million dollars, #earn license fees, #comapny, #various pant crises

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss calls Alice as she is walking by: "Alice!" The Boss tells Alice: "Stirrup pants are not professional attire." Alice explains: "I just filed a patent that will earn fifty million in license fees for the company." The Boss is impressed: "Really? Wow." He continues: "But its no excuse for bad pants." Alice says: "Whatever. Did you sign the budget request I gave you last week?" The Boss answers: "No... I've been busy with various pant-related crises." The stirrup pants are pulled over the Boss's head. He thinks: "Here's another."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pot luck, #drop dish, #groceries, #employee appreciation luncheon

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss writes an e-mail to Dilbert: "The Employee Appreciation Luncheon will be potluck." Dilbert reads the rest of the e-mail: "Drop off your dish at my house on your way to work." The Boss thinks: "If this works, I'll never need to buy groceries again."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hyper inflated stock, #real value, #hype triumphs substance, #moral compass, #spinning

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert and Ratbert are sitting in front of each other. Dogbert says: "Now I'll use my hype-inflated stock to buy companies that have a real value." Dogbert tells Ratbert: "The lesson is that hype always triumphs over substance." Dogbert says to Ratbert: "How's your moral compass doing?" Ratbert answers: "Spinning, just like you said it would!"