Test Plant Design Comic Strips - Page 27

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View 261 - 270 results for test plant design comic strips. Discover the best "Test Plant Design" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #open plan office, #cameras record employees, #monitor phone calls, #surveillance, #test blood, #flog them

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Catbert stands on a desk facing the Boss. Catbert says, "We'll take away the cubicle walls and force emplyees to work in an "open plan" office." Catbert says, "Surveillance cameras will record their every move. We'll monitor phone calls and web use. We'll even test their blood!" The Boss says, "Can we flog them?" Catbert says, "Whoa, cowboy! Wait for phase two."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #drug treatment program, #admit problem, #proactive, #pointy hored, #hallucinations, #with drawl, #ink blotch test

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Caption: Drug Treatment Program Counselor and Alice, whose arms are folded, sitting. Counselor says, "The first step is to admit you have a drug problem." Alice replies, "I don't." Alice continues, "My pointy-haired boss forced me to be here because he thinks it makes him look proactive." Counselor holds up an inkblotch card and says, "Hallucinations are common during withdrawal. Let's do an inkblotch test." Alice cries out, "AAAGH!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #theory testing, #Dogbert, #people told what to do, #quit job, #build pyramid, #dolt, #honesty doesn't mix

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Dilbert sitting on couch while holding "TECH" magazine. Dogbert stands on arm of couch and thinks, "I will now test my theory that people like to be told what to do." Dogbert yells, "QUIT YOUR JOB AND BUILD ME A PYRAMID, YOU HOMELY DOLT!!!" Dilbert responds, "I liked it until the dolt part." Dogbert says, "I've noticed that honesty doesn't mix well with anything."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #optimistic assumptions, #revenue target, #visited by alien, #our new pordcut, #autopsy video, #technology

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Dilbert stands in front of a line graph titled, "$". Dilbert says, "I had to make some optimistic assumptions to meet the revenue target." The Boss is sitting behind Dilbert, looking at the graph. Dilbert continues, "In week three, we're visited by an alien named D'utox Inag who offers to share his advanced technology." The Boss asks, "Then do we use his technology to design our new product?" Dilbert replies, "No, we kill him and sell the autopsy video."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #promise customers, #product not yet designed, #motto, #ask forgiveness, #seek permission, #design work

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Bob tells Alice and Dilbert, "Maybe it was wrong to promise our customers a product that hasn't been designed yet." Bob says, "But our motto in marketing is, "'It's better to ask for forgiveness than to seek permission.'" Alice holds Bob over the roof. He is dangling. Dilbert says, "Your motto needs some design work too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #help on assignment, #no brainer, #interface design, #make beige, #decisions, #can't go wrong

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Dilbert is in The Boss's office. He holds some files and says, "I need help on the assignment that you said is a 'no brainer.'" The Boss says, "It's easy. Just skip the 'interface design' phase and make everything beige. You can't go wrong with beige." Dilbert walks away thinking, "I always know where to go for no-brainer decisions."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company, #knows about wally, #phone call logs, #web hits, #emails, #urine test, #college grades, #salary, #Family, #business, #money

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Catbert sits on Wally's desk holding some papers and says, "The company knows everything about you, Wally." Catbert looks in Wally's file and says, "We have logs of all you phone calls, web hits, and e-mail. We have your urine test, college grades, salary and family contacts..." Catbert says, "It's against our policy to kill employees and replace them with low paid impersonators, but I wanted you to know it's feasible."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #clothes defective, #going to kitchen, #maintain discipline, #telecommute, #throry, #wearing work clothes, #clothes

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer and says, "I'm wearing work clothes while I telecomute, to maintain discipline." Dobgert stands behind him and says, "Is it working?" Dilbert gets up and walks to the kitchen and says, "I'll test the theory by seeing if my clothes stop me from going to the kitchen." Dilbert sits at the kitchen table holding a sandwich. The table is covered with food: potato chips, fruit, soda, pickles, etc. He says, "Apparently my clothes are defective. Dogbert says, "Haven't I been saying that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mental powers, #predicting, #proven psychic, #scientific methid, #testing

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Ken the Skeptic sits in a chair, drinking from a cup of coffee. He says, "I've used the scientific method to debunk 100% of the people who claim they have mental powers." Dogbert sits on the couch and says, "Are you saying that every test you perform turns out the way you predict it will?" Ken says, "What's your point?" Dogbert's ears fly up and he screams, "You've proven that you're psychic!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #skeptics association, #psychic rat, #passport, #drivers licence, #fake id, #dna test, #never been cloned

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Dilbert is talking on the telephone and says, "Is this Skeptics Association? I need your help to prove my rat isn't psychic." Dilbert holds the phone and says, "My name is Dilbert. Yes, I can prove it; I have a pssport and a driver's license. Well, yeah. It's easy to get a fake ID, but..." Hours later... Dilbert is still on the phone, his hair is a mess and he says, "...Okay, what if I take a DNA test? No, I can't prove I've never been cloned!!" He's angry.