2008 Comic Strips - Page 27

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags 5 minute huddle, high energy, standup meeting, solved in minute

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I want the entire staff to meet at 10 A.M. every day for a five-minute huddle. The Boss: We'll use this high-energy stand-up meeting to solve problems and share successes. The Boss: Who has a problem that can be solved in a minute?"Wally: I'm tired. Can I sit on you?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cell phone, complaints, private office, threat, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice : Loud Howard insists on using his speak-phone in his cubicle. You have to do something about it. The Boss: "I'll move him to a private office that just became available. Problem solved. Alice: I need to punch you until we both forget what happened here." Asok: Gaaa!!! Dilbert: Spare the glasses.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags brilliant ideas, carnage, honesty, ignorance, ludicrous ideas, mean spirited, mistaken self image, roll eyes, share project, verbally demolish

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice, I'm hoping we can work together on this project in the spirit of cooperation. I'll have some ideas, and you'll have some ideas, and together we can pick the best ones. Alice: Sure, that's one approach. But I prefer to exhale deeply and roll my eyes while you prattle. Then I will verbally demolish your ludicrous ideas, and dismantle your mistaken self-image as a competent man. The carnage will create a striking contrast for the warm, clear glow of my brilliant ideas. Later, I will round out the package by spreading amusing stories about how ignorant you are. Is there any chance of doing it my way? Alice: Now watch the eyes."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags matt the temp, fully embrace, Catbert, temp concept, temp, find down cable

View Transcript

Transcript

Matt the temp The boss: Our parking lot flooded after the big storm. I need you to wade out there and find our downed power cables." He seems to fully embrace the temp concept. Fzeet!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags advice to intern, don't finish on deadline, freedom, overworked, less time, nitpick

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: Heed my advice, young Asok. Only an idiot finishes a project before the deadline. The less time you give people to nitpick. The more time you have to pretend you are overworked." Freedom is just another word for people finding out you're useless.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bluff, boss, changes, Dilbert, lies, remeber, forget

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Did you make the changes I asked for? Dilbert: That depends." "Do you remember what you asked me to change? The Boss: No. Dilbert: Yup, I made the changes."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags spaceman, millennium genration, digital age, myspace.com.planet, rule planet, upper body

View Transcript

Transcript

Spaceman: Greetings, Troglodytes. I am from the millennium generation." "I was forged in the digital age. I will use my knowledge of myspace.com and youtube and e-mail to rule this planet. Buwha-haha!!!" Dilbert: Wow, you're right. He doesn't have much upper body strength." Trash

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bad raise, boss, fired, managing expectations, heartless

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: You're fired! woman: Gaaa!!!" The Boss: Not really. But now this 2% raise won't seem so bad. This job is all about managing expectations."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags capital cost, estimates, clarify, ruin the system

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally, do yuo have the capital cost estimates I asked for last week? Wally: No, I always ask you to clarify what you need. You say you'll get back to me but you never do. The Boss: Maybe I could clarify it now. Wally: That would ruin my system.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags 25 questions, before start, bluff, didn't send email, email, excuses, lies to boss, non responsive, slacker, standoff

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I planned to be productive this week. I sent you an e-mail with 25 questions I need answered before I can start on my project. I waited patiently while your non-responsiveness crushed my hopes and dreams. The Boss: I don't have time to answer 25 questions! Wally: Well then, it appears we are at a standoff. The Boss: Okay, okay! I'll work all weekend answering your stupid questions!!! Wally: That's great, unless you can't find the e-mail I sent. Dilbert: Did you really send an e-mail?" Wally: That's not how I roll.