2020 Comic Strips - Page 27

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Poster Of Our Values

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Poster Of Our Values - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, sarcasm, business, poster, values, room, forgot, steal, guess, break room

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boss at conference room table: i hope you all saw the poster i put in the break room with our list of values. dilbert: i didn't see it. what are our values? boss: i don't remember. wally: are we allowed to steal? dilbert: i don't think so, but i'm guessing.

Working On Vacation

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Working On Vacation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, work, vacation, scold, enjoy, behind, train, broken

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dilbert: do you mind if i come to work on my vacation days? i hate being scolded for being behind in my work more that i enjoy taking vacations. boss: it seems i have trained you well. dilbert: no, i'm just broken.

Wally Will Be Right Back

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Wally Will Be Right Back - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office workers, minute, desk, help, mystery

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tina: do you have a minute to help me? wally: absolutely. i'll be right back after i drop off something at my desk. tina: i'll never see you again, will i? wally: don't take the mystery out of it.

Loving Yourself

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Loving Yourself  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, office workers, philosophy, self love, evil, ignorant, selfish, lazy, love

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boss: philosophers say loving yourself is the greatest love of all. carol: do philosophers really say that? boss: all the good ones do. after years of trying, i have finally learned to love myself. carol: i'm no philosopher, but instead of learning to love yourself the way you are... wouldn't it be better if you learned how to stop being an evil, ignorant, selfish piece of garbage. boss: that sounds a lot harder. carol: in other words, you are lazy. boss: i love that about me!

Tina Sues Boss

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Tina Sues Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, lawyer, sexist, jokes, not, Funny, illegal, unfunny, criminally, last, know

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tina: i've contacted my lawyer to sue you for your sexist jokes. your humor is not funny, and there's a good chance it is illegal. boss to catbert: i just learned that i am criminally not funny. catbert: you're always the last to know.

Asok Confidence

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Asok Confidence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags asok, business, co-workers, confidence, enough, fake, room, test

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ask: you know what's wrong with this room? not enough of me in it. that's what. dilbert: are you testing your fake confidence? asok: is it working?

Clones Embezzle

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Clones Embezzle - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, lunch, sandwich, company, dissolve, self-discovery, consilting, staffing, clones, embezzle, journey

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dogbert in lunchroom with dilbert: i had to dissolve my consulting company because i made the mistake of staffing it with my clones. every one of them embezzled from me. that sort of ended my journey of self-discovery.

Mind Control

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Mind Control - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, Dogbert, slump, sales, clone, product, shoddy, mind, control, legal, notice

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dogbert: my team of dogbert clones has reversed your slumping sales. your products are still shoddy, but we use mind control to make people not notice. it's all perfectly legal. boss: i wasn't going to ask.

Three Dogberts

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Three Dogberts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, Dogbert, marketing, plan, clone, singularity, event, book

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dogbert on desk with three dogberts behind him: i've got three dogberts working on your marketing plan, but even that isn't enough. i'd bump it up to five dogcarts, but then we risk creating a singularity event. boss: i don't get it. dogbert: read a book.

Extra Dogbert Clone

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Extra Dogbert Clone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, marketing, genius, problem, company, situation, clone, blame

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the marketing genius dogbert: my genius alone will not be enough to fix the problems at this company. this looks like a five-dogbert situation. that is why i arranged to clone myself five times. boss: what's the extra clone for? dogbert: that one takes the blame.