Search Results for "elbonian language"

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Bad User Interface

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Bad User Interface - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 2018's comic on:


Tags #user experience, #interface, #usability, #menu, #language

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Dilbert: Customers are complaining because our user interface is confusing. For example, our menu choice for deleting a file is labeled "save file." Boss: That's why we have a help menu. Dilbert: Our help menu is labeled "reformat hard drive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #manipulation, #fear, #tactic, #ignorance, #jargon, #language

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Woman: I need help persuading your boss to bless my project. Should I use facts and logic? Dilbert: No, he hates that stuff. Woman: Maybe I could appeal to his better angels? Dilbert: His better angels wear noise-canceling headphones. Woman: Okay, fine. I'll just appeal to his self-interest. Dilbert: It would be in his best interest to avoid people like you. Woman: What do you suggest? Dilbert: We've had good outcomes using his ignorance and fear. Woman: Sign this ore else a blockchain drone will kill you in your sleep. Boss: Where's my pen!

Our Api

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Our Api - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 2018's comic on:


Tags #hackers, #hacking, #api, #jargon, #obliviousness, #language

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Narrator: Dogbert The Reporter. Dogbert: How did hackers get access to your customer data? CEO: I'm told they used something called "our A.P.I." to suck out all the data. Dogbert: I'll just say you'er stupid. CEO: Why does everyone always say that?

Strategy Is To Nimble And Agile

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Strategy Is To Nimble And Agile  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #nimble, #agile, #logic, #questioning, #strategy, #language

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Boss: Our strategy is to be nimble and agile. Dilbert: Do other companies have a strategy of being clumsy and slow? Catbert: How'd the new strategy rollout go? Boss: They ruined it with questions.

Can't Remember Wally's Project

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Can't Remember Wally's Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #language, #jargon, #obliviousness, #bluff, #managers

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Boss: I can't remember what project you're working on. Wally: I'm integrating parallel platforms for load balancing across incremental networks. Boss: Keep doing that. I can never tell when I'm having a good day.

Mind Reader Coworker

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Mind Reader Coworker - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 2018's comic on:


Tags #paranoia, #body language, #assume, #assumption, #conclusions

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Man: Why do you hate the plan so much? Dilbert: I don't hate the plan. I like the plan. Man: No, I can tell by the way you chose your words that you hate it. Now I can tell by your face that you hate me. Dilbert: You're like a blind squirrel who brings his own nuts to the park.

Death By Ninjas Is Best

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Death By Ninjas Is Best - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2018's comic on:


Tags #ninja, #hit man, #optimism, #frustration, #irony

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Wally: Why aren't you worried about the Elbonian ninjas who are reportedly coming here to kill you in your sleep? Dilbert: That's the best way to die. I won't care about anything after I'm gone, so this is the ideal scenario for me. Elbonian 1: He's ruining everything with his cheery attitude. Elbonian 2: Let's see how he likes another thirty years in a cubicle.

New Military Project

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New Military Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #name, #weapon, #semantics, #language

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Boss: My staff is threatening to quit because of our military contracts. CEO: Tell them we only work on defensive weapons. Boss: It might help if we changed the project name from "City-killing Laser In Space." CEO: How about "Skylight?"

Jargon

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Jargon - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2018's comic on:


Tags #confusion, #employees, #irritation, #language, #meetings, #sarcasm

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Man: This was a great meeting. Are there any questions? Dilbert: I didn't understand any of the jargon you used for the past hour, so I have no idea what this meeting was about. Man: Why didn't you say something sooner? Dilbert: That's a good strategy for people who have hope.