Keep A Journal Comic Strips - Page 27

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359 Results for Keep A Journal

View 261 - 270 results for keep a journal comic strips. Discover the best "Keep A Journal" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 2013's comic on:


Tags #obliviousness, #work ethic, #lawyer, #60 page contract, #amendements, #900 contracts, #tax law, #17 managers, #good leaders, #standards, #legal

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Boss: Our lawyer sent over a sixty-page contract renewal that I need you to review. Make sure you compare it to the original contract and all six or seven amendments. Dilbert: Are there six or... seven? Boss: No one really knows. Check out our other nine hundred contracts to make sure this one doesn't violate any of those. Keep in mind our five-year strategic plan and all likely changes to tax law. Then get buy-in from the seventeen managers who hate my guts and will take it out on you. By tomorrow. Good leaders set high standards.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 2013's comic on:


Tags #deception, #work ethic, #rumour, #wo jobs, #outsource job, #elbonia

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Boss: I heard a rumor that you have two jobs and you outsource both of them to Elbonia and keep the difference. Wally: That's crazy. I assure you I don not have two jobs outsourced to Elbonia. Boss: Is it more than two? Wally: That's a different conversation.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2013's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #depression (mental state), #inventions, #self worth, #doubt, #microwave, #machine language, #kill me, #beep

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Robot: You keep giving me trivial assignments that make me doubt my self-worth. Boss: Chill out. You don't hear the microwave whining all day long. Robot: He doesn't know that the machine word for "Please kill me is 'Beep.'" Microwave: Beep.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 2013's comic on:


Tags #civil liberties, #surveillance, #lost data, #company data, #backups, #governments secret database, #recors, #working fine

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Dilbert: We lost all of our company data and our backups, too. So I hacked into our government's secret database where they keep records of everything we say or do and got it all back. Boss: I feel as if I should be doing something now. Dilbert: Nah. Everything is working fine.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 2013's comic on:


Tags #big business, #deception, #trolls, #annual budget, #mystery, #meeting, #monsters, #office, #conference table, #horns, #business

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Boss: I'd like you to meet the two trolls who create our annual budget. Dilbert: Why do we need two of them? Troll: Because it's hard to reach into your own... Boss: Whoa! It's better to keep some mystery.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2013's comic on:


Tags #obliviousness, #multitasking, #lower iq, #disagreement, #office, #desk

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Boss: Keep talking. I can multitask. Dilbert: Studies show that multitasking with interruptions can lower I.Q. by ten points. You don't have that much to spare. Boss: I disagree with whatever you said. Dilbert: I said you're competent.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2013's comic on:


Tags #public speaking, #telephones, #public address button, #calls, #talking to doctor, #talking dirty, #practice

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Carol: You keep pressing the public address button on your phone when you make calls. We can't tell if you're talking to your doctor or you're really, really bad at talking dirty to your wife. Boss: I use one to practice the other.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 2013's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #employees, #business

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Tina: You need to work less. Wally: Your productivity is making us look bad. Tina: If you keep being productive, we will hunt you down. Wally: If it's easy. Alice: About the peer review concept... I don't think you thought it through.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2014's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #ignorance (knowledge), #project team, #forrest fire, #dropping baby, #analogy, #available people, #stop progress

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Boss: Alice, I'm adding Jeff to your project team. Alice: That's like trying to put out a forest fire by dropping a baby on it. Boss: I'm available to help, too. Alice: Okay, your job is to keep Jeff from doing anything.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 2014's comic on:


Tags #deception, #language, #managers & supervisors, #key to leadership, #vague golas, #jargon, #wishful thinking, #dumping work, #whine about goals, #better system, #business

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Boss: The key to leadership is setting vague goals that are a combination of jargon and wishful thinking. That way, I can keep dumping work on you without hearing you whine that it doesn't fit with your goals. You have to admit, my system is better than whatever you're doing over there. Dilbert: Yup.