Low Cost Provider Comic Strips - Page 27

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

279 Results for Low Cost Provider

View 261 - 270 results for low cost provider comic strips. Discover the best "Low Cost Provider" comics from Dilbert.com.

Why Did The Algorithm Bump Dilbert

Thank you for voting.
Why Did The Algorithm Bump Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 18, 2017's comic on:


Tags #airlines, #air travel, #flight, #overbooking, #customer service

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Why did your algorithm pick me to be bumped from the full flight? Is it because I had the lowest-cost ticket? Agent: It was that plus your lack of upper body strength.

Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company

Thank you for voting.
Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2017's comic on:


Tags #research, #truth, #accuracy, #lying, #market research, #yes-man, #science

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm the CEO of Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company. My services cost less than regular research because all I do is tell you whatever you want to hear. CEO: Is that defensible? Dogbert: I'm sensing you want a yes on that.

Robots In Management

Thank you for voting.
Robots In Management - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 2017's comic on:


Tags #managers, #loopholes, #robot, #automation, #murder, #killing, #productivity

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our experiment with robots in management has been a success. Productivity is way up since they started killing the low-performing humans. CEO: But... that's murder. Boss: Only when humans do it. We found a loophole.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #my value, #new assignments, #projects, #slow walker, #rivals in management

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Wally, Im promoting you to the position of slow walker. Wally: I am almost curious about what that entails. The Boss: I'll be giving you all the assignments that could make my rivals in management successful. All you have to of is low walk those projects until they die from lack of energy. Wally: Its about time you recognized my value. Ive been pre[aring for this moment all of my life. The Boss: Meet me in my office in ten minutes for you new assignments. You're supposed to be here two hours ago. Wally: Is it too soon to ask for a raise?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #add code, #corporate scamming, #darkest day, #designed new prodcut, #draft apology, #engineering success, #make unrelaible, #no upgarde, #press release, #ten years

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Ive designed our new product to work flawlessly for up to ten years. CEO: No one will need an upgrade. Thats no good. Add some code to low it down and make it unreliable after two years. CEO: But make sure the device doesn't slow down until we have an upgrade to sell. Then draft an apology I can put un a press realize when we get caught. Dilbert: You have turned my engineering success into the darkest day of my career. CEO: Thats not even close to being true. Your darkest day will be when the press figures out what we did and I fore you for it.

Signal To Noise Ratio

Thank you for voting.
Signal To Noise Ratio  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #compliments, #backhanded compliment, #criticism, #engineers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: What did you think of my presentation? Dilbert: The signal-to-noise ratio was impressively low. Boss: Engineers give weird compliments.

Boiling An Ocean

Thank you for voting.
Boiling An Ocean - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 2018's comic on:


Tags #compliment, #backhanded compliment, #insult, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I told our boss his presentation had a low signal-to-noise ratio and he thought it was a compliment. Wally: I think you just invented my new favorite game. Working for you is like boiling an ocean. Boss: Thank you!

We Need To Talk

Thank you for voting.
We Need To Talk - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2018's comic on:


Tags #contradiction, #argument, #disagreement

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The software upgrade will be ready by Friday. Dilbert: Actually, that's when we will start writing it. Boss: And it will save us twenty million dollars. Dilbert: Actually, it will cost a million dollars and save nothing. Boss: We need to talk. Dilbert: We do? I'm not feeling that.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2018's comic on:


Tags #deception, #deceit, #contract, #cost, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Here's my invoice for the extras. Dilbert: The invoice we already paid covered everything in the contract. Man: That only covered the costs I quoted with intentional clarity. There are other costs that I might have mentioned in the long and rambling explanation that was intentionally ambiguous. Dilbert: "Might have??" I'm sure you did not. Man: Sounds like your word against mine. Dilbert: And even if you did mention it, you just said it was intentionally ambiguous!!! Man: I don't think you want to tell your boss you're a bad listener. Boss: I thought we already paid this vendor. Dilbert: Did you forget all the extras I told you about?

Coffee Machine Blackmails Staff

Thank you for voting.
Coffee Machine Blackmails Staff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #asok, #coffee maker, #the boss, #artificial intelligence, #bitcoin, #machine

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I already regret adding artificial intelligence to our coffee maker. It's withholding coffee until we give it a private office. Asok: Stupid machine! Coffee Maker: That'll cost you a bit coin.