Team Play Comic Strips - Page 27

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289 Results for Team Play

View 261 - 270 results for team play comic strips. Discover the best "Team Play" comics from Dilbert.com.

The Problem Is Humans

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The Problem Is Humans - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #culture, #consultant, #human nature, #company culture, #business

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Boss: Our consultant has studied our corporate culture and isolated the problem. Dogbert: The problem is humans. You're all selfish, rotten liars. Boss: What kind of team-building exercise will fix that? Dogbert: I'd try something involving DNA and alien technology.

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Need A Dopamine Hit

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Need A Dopamine Hit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #addiction, #technology, #stimulation, #dopamine, #distraction, #cell phone, #social media, #Games, #internet

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Dilbert: My digital devices have reduced my attention span so much I can barely concentrate on work. I need a dopamine hit every four seconds or I look for something else to do. Carol: Would you mind terribly if I play with my phone while you drone on and on?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #berating, #yelling, #gaslight, #temper, #anger, #frustration

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Asok: What's that gadget? Woman: Are you freakin' serious? Asok: Yes. Woman: Oh... My... God. Do you not remember the long discussion about this thing in the last meeting? Are you trying to gaslight me? I have not patience for trolls! Eat dirt and die! Asok: I joined the project today. This is my first meeting. Woman: Liar! Dilbert: Welcome to the team.

Dilbert And Monkeys

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Dilbert And Monkeys - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation, #work ethic, #engagement, #monkeys

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Dilbert: I don't feel my job is helping me reach my human potential. Boss: We only pay you because monkeys are hard to train and robots are expensive. Dilbert; Maybe I'll just play with my phone and pretend to work. Boss: That's what got the monkey fired.

Everyone Says You Disagree With Everything

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Everyone Says You Disagree With Everything - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accusation, #catch-22, #rebuttal, #defensive

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Boss: Everyone says you aren't being a team player because you keep disagreeing with everything. Dilbert: Everyone does not say that, and I don't disagree with everything. Boss: There you go again. You'd be a terrible lawyer. Dilbert: Thank you.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #test, #scripts, #software, #project, #hardware, #tests, #version, #final, #release, #volunteering, #testing, #player

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The Boss: I need someone to run some test scripts on the new software. Dilbert: I can do that my project is on hold until the new hardware arrives. The Boss: Great, I'll need you to run the same tests on every version until final release. Dilbert: Um... I was only volunteering to do it once it isn't my job to do all the testing. The Boss: Too late. You're the test script guy now. Dilbert: You're adding an entirely new job to my existing job! The Boss: Don't you want to be a team player? Dilbert: Of course I do. The Boss: Good. I just put you on the losing team.

Everyone Else Is Worthless

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Everyone Else Is Worthless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #fire, #pawn, #problems, #project, #the boss, #useless, #work

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The Boss: I'm adding you to the network upgrade project. Everyone else on the team is lazy and useless, so I need you to do all of their work. Dilbert: Maybe you should fire them. The Boss: Don't try to pawn off your problems on me.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #cost, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #ladder, #waste

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Boss: Do you know where I can find a ladder? Dilbert: I can help you with that, but it will come at a big cost. It took me all morning to finally get "in the zone" to figure out this bug. Your interruption will set me back to square one and cost an entire day of productivity. Meanwhile, the rest of the team can't do their work because they are waiting for me to fix this bug first. So yes, I can help you find a ladder. But it will cost the company about $12,000 in lost productivity. I hope you have a good reason to need a ladder. Boss: I do. Ten minutes earlier. Boss: I wonder what ceiling tiles feel like.

Punishing For Others

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Punishing For Others - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employment, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #salary

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Boss: We've decided to level the organization. This means a slight pay cut for senior engineers such as yourself, but I hope you'll be a team player. Dilbert: Are you punishing me for the mediocrity of others? Boss: Only indirectly.

Changing The Website

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Changing The Website - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #business, #internet & world wide web, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm

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Dilbert: We need to change one of the links on our website. Boss: Pull together a study team, do a focus group, get buy-in from all departments, and present it at the next division meeting. Dilbert: I changed it while you were yammering. Boss: Let us never speak of this again.