Whole Body Numb Comic Strips - Page 27

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

306 Results for Whole Body Numb

View 261 - 270 results for whole body numb comic strips. Discover the best "Whole Body Numb" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, vague intrsutcions, morons annonymous, pandemonium, ends, shoe sniffing contest, mom called, arguments, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss approaches Carol and says, "Carol, if anyone calls, say I'm in a meeting." Carol asks, "What meeting?" The Boss replies, "It doesn't matter." Carol thinks, "#O!* vague instructions" as the phone rings. Carol says into the phone, "He's at his weekly meeting of 'Morons Anonymous.' She continues on the phone, "It's a long meeting. They usually get into an argument about the definition of 'anonymous.' She continues on the phone, "Half of them think it means 'angry.' Then someone throws a chair and it's pandemonium." She continues on the phone, "The whole thing usually ends with a shoe-sniffing contest." The Boss returns to Carol's desk. She says, "Your mom called."

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cheeseburger, dead man walking, deception, dried apricot, heart, inventions, medical diagnosis, program to hate, neutrino sensor

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I programmed our robot to make medical diagnoses. It can scan your body using its neutrino sensor. Robot, please demonstrate. Robot: Dead man walking! Boss: What? Robot: Your brain is the size of a dried apricot. Your heart is more cheeseburger than human tissue. You will be dead in eleven days, six hours, and nineteen minutes. Boss: Gaaa!!! Robot: Why did you program me to hate people? Wally: It was easier than inventing a neutrino sensor.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags interviews, lying, job interview, exaggerate credntials, more effective, business skill, misleading, convince customers, prodcuts, dupe some idiot, learn tech skills, honesty, hr, send offer, liar

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: You look good on paper, but how do I know you aren't lying about your skills? Interviewee: You should hope I am lying. Studies show that people who exaggerate their credentials tend to be more effective once hired. That's because misleading people is a valuable business skill. For example, I might need to convince our customers that our products are better than the competition. Or I might need to dupe some idiot into leaving my cubicle so I can concentrate. Anyone can learn technical skills, but lying is an art form. Dilbert: He doesn't have an honest bone in his body. Boss: Perfect. I'll tell Human Resources to send him an offer.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags distress, introvert, draining energy, sick, work, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: Are you okay? You don't look well. Dilbert: I'm an introvert. Being near you is draining the energy from my body. Coworker: I'm not sure how to take that. Dilbert: I can't feel my legs!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, language, leader, steve jobs, rinse with vinegar, remove mold, dot touch

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I see myself as a leader in the mold of Steve Jobs. Alice: Try rinsing your entire body with vinegar. That might remove his mold. Boss: Are we talking about the same thing? Alice: Please don't touch anything I own.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags human body, love, rodents, hugs, without hassle, oxytocin, levels, cuddles, relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I want the health benefits of hugging without the hassle of a relationship. This rat is like a patch that increases my ocytocin levels. Rat: I thought we were in love. Wally: That's your oxytocin talking.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags costumes, deception, downtrodden employee, awesome person in disguise, spider eggs, bosses coffee, survive, learned, knowledge is over rated

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Hello, downtrodden employee. I am one of you, and not an awesome person in disguise. Carol: I put spider eggs in my boss's coffee in the hope that some survive and burrow out of his body. Catbert: What have you learned so far? Boss: I learned that knowledge is overrated.

Love Me For My Mind

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Love Me For My Mind - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, love, priorities, relationships, vanilla scented lotion, mind

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: I want a guy who loves me for me, and not for the way I look... or the things I do. Dilbert: That doesn't leave me much to work with. Can I love you for your money and your vanilla-scented body lotion? Woman: You could love me for my mind. Dilbert: That might have worked two minutes ago.

Dogbert Disposes Bodies

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Disposes Bodies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dolphin, exotic pets, hit man, murder, murder for hire, russian military, killed clown, dead bodies, disposal, expert

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I bought a Russian military dolphin for a pet and it killed a party clown at my daughter's pool party. I need you to dispose of the body. Dogbert: The good news is that I'm an expert at getting rid of dead bodies. CEO: What's the bad news? Dogbert: Your dolphin hired me to kill you.

Tall People And Men

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tall People And Men - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags discrimination, frustration, money, retribution, revenge, salary, sexism, wages, Women

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: How can you justify paying me less than tall people and men!!! CEO: Duh. The reason is that you are not as tall and you don't have male body parts. Alice: Can I borrow your scissors?