Wouldn't Be Threat Comic Strips - Page 27

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

271 Results for Wouldn't Be Threat

View 261 - 270 results for wouldn't be threat comic strips. Discover the best "Wouldn't Be Threat" comics from Dilbert.com.

Humans And Parakeets

Thank you for voting.
Humans And Parakeets - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 19, 2019's comic on:

Tags #boss, #carol, #research, #humans, #parakeets, #offspring, #blog, #deny

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I was doing some research on the internet and learned that humans and parakeets can mate and produce offspring. Carol: I don't believe that. Boss: It's true. I read about it on a blog. Carol: I wouldn't call that "research". Boss: Deny science much?

Wally Needs A Raise

Thank you for voting.
Wally Needs A Raise - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2019's comic on:

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #system, #architect, #Promotion, #pay raise

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: our new system installation is a catastrophe. wally: we need to tear it out and re-architect it from scratch. wally: i'm the only person qualified to lead that effort. wally: but given the enormity of the job, i won't do it without a raise or promotion. the boss: weren't you the cause of the catastrophe? wally: exactly: that's why i'm the only person who knows how to fix it. the boss: are you blackmailing me? wally: no, it's nothing like that. the boss: wouldn't i be rewarding you for failure? wally: let's not label it.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 2019's comic on:

Tags #business, #chair, #office, #office workers, #allergies, #hazmat

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: i need a new chair. mine is broken. the boss: you can use my old chair. i just got a new one. alice: the chair you sat in every day for the past twelve years? alice: by now that chair cushion is home to a thriving colony of your cooties. alice: that chair will be off--gassing you for decades. alice: i wouldn't touch that thing unless i were wearing a hazmat suit over my other hazmat suit. alice: i'm breaking into a flop sweat just thinking about it, and i think it's triggering my allergies. the boss: would you like to borrow my hand-kerchief? alice is visually in a daze.

Paying The Replacement More

Thank you for voting.
Paying The Replacement More - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2019's comic on:

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #pay raise

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: if i were to quit, you would have to pay my replacement more than you are paying me. dilbert: wouldn't it be more fair to give me a raise to stay? the boss: how would that be fair to your replacement?

Bad Hair Day

Thank you for voting.
Bad Hair Day - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 2019's comic on:

Tags #angry, #boss, #employees, #employment, #hair, #hairstyles, #meetings, #threat, #warning

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Alice, why aren't you at this meeting? Alice: I'm having a bad hair day. Boss: That's no reason to miss a meeting! Alice: You don't understand. It's really, really bad. Boss: Come to the meeting right now, or you're fired! Gurk! Dilbert: That's bad hair. Alice: Can't say I didn't warn him.

Dilbert Characters

Half Are Doing All The Work

Thank you for voting.
Half Are Doing All The Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2019's comic on:

Tags #business, #employees, #employment, #fire, #work

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: according to experts, about half of all employees are typically doing 100% of the work. i plan to beat the system by firing half of you. dilbert: wouldn't you need to keep firing half of whoever was left until you were down to one employee? boss: yes, but imagine how hard he will work.

Consultant Gets No Help

Thank you for voting.
Consultant Gets No Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2019's comic on:

Tags #business, #business ethics, #lazy, #managers & supervisors, #selfish, #stupid

View Transcript

Transcript

the new consultant: none of your department heads are cooperating with me. several are selfish, lazy and stupid, while others are actively working against me. maybe you could talk to them. ceo: i hired you so i wouldn't need to talk to losers.

Boss Recommends Blockchain

Thank you for voting.
Boss Recommends Blockchain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2019's comic on:

Tags #boss, #business, #computer software, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I don't understand why you are recommending blockchain for this application. Boss: My staff are the experts, but I can explain the basic idea. You see, using blockchain is like losing a necklace on the beach. Then a seagull finds the necklace and takes it back to it's nest. And we all like data security, don't we? CEO: It's almost as if you are proposing a plan you don't understand at any level. Boss: Well, yes, but keep in mind that you wouldn't understand it even if I could explain it. CEO: But you're sure someone on your staff understands it, right? Boss: Define "sure".

Dilbert Gets His Head Fixed

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert Gets His Head Fixed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 2019's comic on:

Tags #confused, #employees, #frustration, #garbage, #help, #office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Garbage Man: Looks like you've been beating your head against a wall in frustration. Stick your head in this garbage can to fix it. Dilbert: Why is this working? Garbage Man: Why wouldn't it?

Boss Negotiates With Elbonia

Thank you for voting.
Boss Negotiates With Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 2019's comic on:

Tags #big business, #business ethics, #government, #money, #partisan politics, #stealing, #negotiate

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm negotiating a deal with the government of Elbonia. They agreed to buy a thousand dollars of our products. All I had to do was agree to let them steal all of our intellectual property. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be better for us if they didn't steal our I.P.? Boss: You have to look at the big picture. They also agreed to stop killing tens of thousands of our citizens with their illegal drug shipments. Dilbert: Did they stop? Boss: No, but they said they would. Dilbert: Maybe you should negotiate harder. Boss: And risk losing a thousand dollars of revenue?