Ceo Comic Strips - Page 28
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627 Results for Ceo
View 271 - 280 results for ceo comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday February 18,
2012
Tags gadgets, sales personnel, tablet computer, prototype, indestuctable, crash
Transcript
CEO: Our tablet computer is indestructible. Watch this... Man: Our company is next. Find the prototype. CEO: Oops. Was that yours?
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Monday February 20,
2012
Tags charity, bottle caps, fund, chemo, pro children, snopes.com, internet hoax, award mug
Transcript
CEO: Thanks to your leadership, we collected twenty thousand bottle caps to help fund chemo for poor children. And thanks to your... whatever... we checked snopes.com and learned that the bottle cap thing was an internet hoax. I only brought one teamwork award mug, so you'll have to take turns drinking from it.
Friday March 02,
2012
Tags business ethics, environmental issues, fracking, competitors, headquarters, pollute water, generate earthquakes, fracking awesome
Transcript
CEO: We're going to start fracking under our biggest competitors headquarters. My plan is to pollute their water and generate earthquakes to destroy their campus. The project code name is "fracking awesome." Dilbert: Catchy.
Wednesday March 14,
2012
Tags new product development, stock buy back, stock market, dream, using capitol, money
Transcript
CEO: I'm canceling all of our new product development and using the capital for a stock buy-back. Dilbert: This is a dream come true because I always wanted to be like you. CEO: In what way are you... Dilbert: Yay! I'm worthless!
Friday March 16,
2012
Tags illness, plunging productivity, 8 year old boy, traylor, germs, doctor, allergies, gives to mom, medical
Transcript
CEO: Our plunging productivity is all because of an eight-year-old boy named Traylor. Traylor doesn't wash his hands, he brings home every virus and germ from school, and gives it to his mom, who brings it to work with her. Dilbert: Maybe you should see a doctor. Carol: It's just allergies!
Wednesday April 11,
2012
Tags efficiency experts, golf, management consultant, initate, golf tournament, profits, Sports
Transcript
Boss: I hired a management consultant to teach us something he calls backwards causation. Dogbert: I studied the most successful companies. If you imitate them, you'll feel as if you have a strategy. Number one: sponsor a golf tournament so your CEO can meet celebrities. Boss: Profits, here we come.
Thursday April 12,
2012
Tags consolidating, marketing, illusion, golf, ceo, money, shared services, Sports, business
Transcript
Boss: We're consolidating our marketing into a shared services model. Asok: Why? Boss: Change creates the illusion that we have a strategy while giving our CEO an excuse to fire a VP who beat him at golf. And blah, blah, something about money. Asok: Must... not... cry... on the outside.
Sunday April 15,
2012
Tags correlations, predicted outcomes, problem, enormous ceo compensation, myth, control over profits, awkward, trap door, ceo trick, violent
Transcript
Dilbert: I did a study of our past business plans and found something. There's no correlation between our predicted and actual outcomes. That might be a problem for you. Your enormous CEO compensation is based on the myth that you have some control over our profitability. CEO: Ha! Dilbert: Ha! CEO: Is it just me or is this awkward? Dilbert: No, I'm feeling it too.
Tuesday April 24,
2012
Tags dental work, introducing, kept the thought, naming, new brand, herthlokel
Transcript
CEO: Our new brand will be called "Herthlokel." Tina: Did you come up with that when you were getting dental work? I probably should have kept that thought bottled up inside me.
Monday May 07,
2012
Tags interviewed users, suggestions, idiots, dumb suggestions, hindsight
Transcript
Dilbert: We interviewed hundreds of users and turned all of their suggestions into features. As it turns out, every user we talked to was an idiot, and their dumb suggestions ruined our product. In hindsight, we probably should have talked to people who work outside this building.


