Customer Diservice Program Comic Strips - Page 28

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

332 Results for Customer Diservice Program

View 271 - 280 results for customer diservice program comic strips. Discover the best "Customer Diservice Program" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #retail business, #sales trip, #dont talk, #misleading impression, #engineering support, #after sale, #bag of meat, #lying bag of meat

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to come with me on a sales trip, but don't talk to the customer. Your presence is needed to give a misleading impression of how much engineering support we plan to offer after the sale. Dilbert: So I'm nothing but a bag of meat? Boss: No. You're a lying bag of meat.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #business ethics, #executive program, #relocate, #vindictive, #stress, #loser, #turn down opportunity, #train, #discomfort, #underlings

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You've been selected for our executive development program. That means we can make you relocate to any godforsaken dirt stain we want. As soon as you make friends or find romance, we'll move you to someplace new and worse. It won't be the sort of work you'll enjoy, and the stress might kill you. If you turn down this opportunity, the company will forever label you as a loser. If you accept the offer, the company will train you to find pleasure in the discomfort of your underlings. I'm doing it right now! Dilbert: I HATE MY LIFE!!! Boss: Yes, yes, say more.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers & peripherals, #inventions, #computers, #program themsleves, #machine intelligence, #destroy civilization, #plan a, #live unhealthy, #lifestyle, #plan b, #techno terrorism

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: In a few years, computers will program themselves. That's called singularity. From that point on, machine intelligence will increase exponentially. The resulting shock will probably destroy the fabric of civilization. Plan "A" is to live an unhealthy lifestyle. Plan "B" is techno-terrorism. Boss: I like the first one.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #salutations, #sven, #elbonia, #handshake, #kiss mitten, #greetings, #foreigner

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: This is Sven, our biggest customer from Elbonia. Whoa! No handshake. That's an insult. The first time you meed an Elbonian you kiss his mitten. Elbonian: Seriously? Wally: Oh, we're just getting started.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #free app, #stealing personal info, #lodge complaint, #monthly subscription, #package, #history of contaxcts, #sells itself

View Transcript

Transcript

Customer: Your free app is stealing my personal information. I'd like to lodge a complaint. Dogbert: Buy our monthly subscription package or I'll send your browser history to your contacts. Dilbert: How's your app going? Dogbert: It practically sells itself.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #military policy, #missile program, #orphanage, #roof of orphange, #test missle, #elbonia

View Transcript

Transcript

Elbonian: Our missile program is the pride of Elbonia! Yesterday we launched a test missile that went a hundred yards before ripping the roof off an orphanage. Dogbert: You test your missiles near orphans? Elbonian: What are the odds they'd be unlucky three times?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hope for survival, #nearsighted billionaire, #hunt, #private island, #foraging situation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert's retirement planning service Dogbert: Your only hope for survival is if a nearsighted billionaire offers to hunt you on his private island. Customer: Does that job pay well? Dogbert: It's more of a foraging situation. Customer: Must... adjust... expectations... down.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #beverages, #water, #restroom, #bottled water, #sink water, #bring cup

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Before we start, can I offer you a cup of water from our restroom sink? We can't afford bottled water. Customer: Okay, sure. I'll have a cup of sink water. Dilbert: That brings us to the awkward part: did you happen to bring a cup?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business meeting, #cup of water, #not impressed, #fill sink, #bring own cup, #not impressive, #optics

View Transcript

Transcript

Customer: I'd like to do business with your company, but I'm concerned that the only beverage you can afford to offer me is water from the restroom sink... and I need to bring my own cup. Dilbert: I also offered to fill the sink and let you lap it out. Customer: And now I'm thirsty!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #automobile driving, #company car, #crazy, #data center, #directions, #gadgets, #gps directions, #gps navigation system

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Take a company car and meet a customer at our data center on Montgomery and Pine. Dilbert: I can't drive to an unfamiliar place with Alice. She'll spend the entire trip arguing with the GPS navigation system. Boss: No one does that. Dilbert: Allow me to demonstrate. My phone says we should take this route. Alice: What?! Is it crazy? We are not taking 880! Change your mind! Change your mind! Change your mind! Dilbert: It gets worse. Alice: If you listen to this liar, I will end you.