Per Customer Comic Strips - Page 28

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

310 Results for Per Customer

View 271 - 280 results for per customer comic strips. Discover the best "Per Customer" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #ceos, #raise, #asking for a raise, #compensation, #money, #wages, #comparison, #wage discrepancy, #mansion

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can only give you a 3% raise. If you want more, take it up with our CEO. Dilbert: I'd like to explain why I deserve more than a 3% raise. As a negotiating strategy, Dogbert will simultaneously read a media report about your lavish $85 million mansion. I invented three new technologies this year. Dogbert: "The toilets are solid gold." Dilbert: I wrote most of the code for our new product. Dogbert: "The helicopter pad is on the roof of the car museum." Dilbert: I worked eighty hours per week. Dogbert: "Every elevator has a full kitchen." Dilbert: I could earn more at Google or Apple... Dogbert: "Entire house rotates for optimal sun exposure." Dilbert: Do you see where I'm going with this? CEO: High-five?

Living Under A Bridge

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Living Under A Bridge - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #debt, #student loans, #loans, #salary, #universities & colleges, #money, #wages

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can offer you a starting salary of $34,000 per year. Man: My student loan debt is $200,000. I would have to live under a bridge and forage for food. Boss: Our bridges have good reputations. Man: I heard the same thing about my college.

Dilbert Can Tweak The Software

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Can Tweak The Software - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales, #sales personnel, #demands, #rules, #promise, #restrictions, #obliviousness, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Sales Call. Salesman: If you need any tweaks to the software, Dilbert can do that in minutes. Dilbert: I'm not allowed to tweak the software for one customer. Salesman: He'll do it anyway. Dilbert: I'm going to report you.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales personnel, #salesman, #sales, #honesty, #deception, #stragegy, #sociopath, #lying, #lie, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I need you to join me on a sales call to tell my customer how easy it will be to switch to our software. Dilbert: It isn't easy. Man: This is a sales call. All you need to do is say everything will be easy. Dilbert: What happens when they find out it isn't easy? Man: They won't find out until after they pay us. Dilbert: What will you do when they complain? Man: I'll tell your boss you misled them. Dilbert: Not if I warn him first! Man: Too late. I already told him you're a liar.

Twitter Complaints

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Twitter Complaints - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customer servie, #customer support, #trolling, #social media, #popularity, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We're getting a lot of product complaints on Twitter. Boss: Tell those trolls to shut up and leave us alone. Dilbert: Uh... okay. CEO: Why did our stock just drop to zero? Boss: Sounds like a seasonal thing.

Wally Goes To His Man Cave

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Goes To His Man Cave - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lactation, #man cave, #nursing, #deception, #baby, #trick

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I secretly turned our unused lactation room into my man cave. Dilbert: What if someone sees you go in? Tina: You said only once, right? Wally: Once per day.

Dogbert's Particle Accelerator

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert's Particle Accelerator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #scheme, #plan, #deception, #trick, #science, #invention

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I built a particle accelerator in the basement. Dilbert: Sounds expensive. Dogbert: Not if you use cardboard. My plan is to say I discovered one new particle per week. When scientists fail to confirm my discoveries, I will say they need better accelerators.

Hire A Famous Cartoonist

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hire A Famous Cartoonist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #samsung, #safety, #explosion, #battery, #marketing, #trust, #celebrity, #cartoonist, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We need to regain customer trust after our exploding phone fiasco. Dogbert: You need a celebrity endorsement. People trust celebrities with their life-and-death decisions. Maybe a famous cartoonist. Boss: I don't see how that could go wrong. Narrator: Continued...

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wages, #cost of living, #raise, #money, #rent, #apartment, #roommate, #space

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I need a raise because the cost of living around here is too high. Boss: Stop being greedy. I pay you plenty. Asok: I can't even afford to rent an apartment. Boss: Get some roommates. Asok: I can't afford that either. I've been sleeping on a baby changing table in a public restroom. And the janitor has been charging me $3,000 per month for that. Boss: How wide is the baby changing table? Asok: Not wide enough for a roommate. Boss: Well, I'm out of ideas.

Re Accomodation On The Flight

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Re Accomodation On The Flight - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #air travel, #airlines, #customer service, #overbooking, #flight

View Transcript

Transcript

Flight Attendant: The flight is overbooked and our algorithm selected you for re-accommodation. Dilbert: What exactly does "re-accommodation" mean in this context? Oh.