Anti Dilbert Comic Strips - Page 28

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View 271 - 280 results for anti dilbert comic strips. Discover the best "Anti Dilbert" comics from Dilbert.com.

Cooties Diagnosis

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Cooties Diagnosis - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #confirmed, #cooties, #diagnosis, #doctor, #medicine, #Opinion, #professional, #skepticism, #symptom, #test

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doctor: in my professional opinion, you have a bad case of the cooties. we don't have any tests for cooties, but the main symptom is skepticism, and you have that. dilbert: cooties are not real. doctor: diagnosis confirmed.

Cooties In Elbonia

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Cooties In Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cooties, #deny, #elbonia, #managers & supervisors, #outbreak, #science, #symptom, #technology, #news

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boss: the news says there's a major outbreak of cooties in elbonia. dilbert: i don't think cooties is a real thing. boss: experts say one of the symptoms of cooties is "denying science."

Dating In The Age Of Coronavirus

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Dating In The Age Of Coronavirus - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #attractive, #contract, #covid-19, #dating, #eyes, #goodnight, #kiss, #lawyers, #mask, #masked, #negotiations, #office workers, #single, #technology

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carol: it must be difficult to be single in the age of covid-19. dilbert: it's not too bad, actually. i'm in contract negotiations with a semi-attractive women i met online. with any luck, i will be enjoying a double-masked goodnight kiss by late next month. that assumes our lawyers don't make too many changes to the contract. carol: did you just say she is only semi-attractive? dilbert: i'm judging from the parts i can see. i don't know what's under the mask and shower cap she wears all day. carol: you must like her eyes. dilbert: i like the one i can see. the other one has a patch.

Input From Idiots

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Input From Idiots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #sarcasm, #technology, #input, #idiots, #project, #variety, #dumb, #informed, #leadership

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dilbert: per your orders, i got input on my project from a variety of people who are dumber and less informed than i am. as you might imagine, the net effect was to make everything worse. boss: are you done? dilbert: i just want to thank you for all the leadership.

Getting Opinions

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Getting Opinions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #technology, #input, #dumb, #human, #universe, #Opinion, #strategy, #worse

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boss: get ted's input before you finalize the plan. dilbert: ted is the dumbest human being in the known universe. his opinion can only make things worse. boss: that's how we do it here. dilbert: i didn't realize it was a strategy.

How To Identify Good Ideas

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How To Identify Good Ideas - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #decision making, #smart, #people, #idiot, #agree, #disagree, #good, #bad, #idea, #rational

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dilbert: i can't tell the difference between good ideas and bad ones. there are smart people on both sides of every idea. what rational process do you use to determine who is right? wally: i label people who disagree with me "idiots" and call it a day.

Anecdotal Testing

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Anecdotal Testing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #business, #confused, #engineering, #sarcasm, #tests

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Boss: Have you tested this to know it will work? Dilbert: I tested it anecdotally. Boss: I don't know what that word means. Wally: Well played.

Two Bad Options

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Two Bad Options - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #business, #business ethics, #business failures/bankruptcies, #hide, #managers & supervisors, #options, #analysis, #corporate

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Dilbert: I analyzed our only two options. One option costs too much, and the other option is impossible. Boss: Let's do the impossible one. Dilbert: Perhaps you can explain your reasoning. Boss: According to you, we will fail either way. But if we fail in a slow and inexpensive way, no one will even notice for months. With any luck, we'll have a corporate reorganization that forever hides our gross incompetence. Dilbert: Have you done this before? Boss: Every six months.

An Empty Offce

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 An Empty Offce - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #freedom, #hygiene, #office, #office workers, #telecommute

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Dilbert: The office is a beautiful place when everyone else is working from home. No distractions, private bathroom, and I no longer need to suppress my bodily noises. Brraaaap! Freedom!

Dilbert Doesn't Believe In Safety

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Dilbert Doesn't Believe In Safety  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #office workers, #safety, #sarcasm, #team

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Tina: Ugh, Dilbert is on the project team? That guy doesn't believe in safety. Man: Just out of curiosity, what evidence of that extremely weird allegation have you seen? Tina: What evidence do you have that you exist? See? Anyone can do that.