Ask Comic Strips - Page 28

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

413 Results for Ask

View 271 - 280 results for ask comic strips. Discover the best "Ask" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags products saftyproblem, murderer, killer, swallowed a squirrel, scone

View Transcript

Transcript

Ask: "Alice, if I fail to blow the whistle on our product's safety product, I will be like a murderer!" Alice: "No, technically you'd be more like a killer, you wuss." Asok: "My guts feel like I swallowed a squirrel." Alice: "You have totally sucked the flavor out of this scone."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ceo, worer, 40 million a year, 400 x worker pay, salary, disparity, golden egg, every ten minutes, money

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Our CEO will be happy to answer any questions." Alice: "Why does the company pay you 40 million dollars a year?" "I ask because it's 400 times more than I make. And I work 70 hours a week." "Do you work 28,000 hours per week?" "Or do you have some sort of special ability that isn't obvious?" CEO: "GRRRRR RRRRR AAAAH-OOGAH!!!" "Golden egg. One every ten minutes." "Good answer."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags vendor, contract signed, price set, hurt to ask, time machine, feel stupid, hurts to ask

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: as the vendor to take 20% off the price. Dilbert: Now??? You already signed the contract, The price is set in stone. The Boss: It doesn't hurt to ask. Dilbert: It doesn't? SO...although we just signed the contract, would you please lower the price 20% Ha Ha Ha!!! Geta time machine you bumpkin!!! DIlbertL GAAA!! I feel stupid and filled with self loathing....futiloty tugs at my should,,,,my guts are clenched! Good. Ask Id they'll go for 19% DIlbert: It hurts to ask!!!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ceo, speech, conference, secretary, corporate jet, inhale and exhale

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: Our CEO is giving a speech at the conference you're attending. Ask his secretary if you can save money by riding together on the corporate jet. He doesn't want to inhale anything you've exhaled.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags protective employees, question, resoning, fox, chickens, across river, rowboat, eat chickens, livestock insurance, blame the fox, barbecue chickens

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "I ask all prospective employees this question to test their reasoning." "You have one fox and two chickens that you need to get across a river. You can only take one at a time in the rowboat. The fox will eat the chickens if left alone." "I'd buy livestock insurance, then barbecue the chickens and blame the fox." Boss: "Can you start today?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ted, forward to ted, email, solved problems, project, being rude, remove from project

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Ted is being rude and helpful. Can you ask his boss to remove him from the project? The Boss: I'll forward this to Ted. That should help. Dilbert: I wonder how people solved problems before email.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags blame game, back and fourth, forgotten, no time, didn't look, tattoo on chest, no time torso, read torso, stickin chest

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: You never responded to my urgent request for engineering resources. The Boss: "What?" Man: "I told Alice to ask you!" The Boss: "She must have forgotten." Alice: "I sent you three e-mail messages." The Boss: "You know I don't have time to read my e-mail." Alice: "And I sent you a voicemail." The Boss: "You know I don't have time for voice-mails." Alice: "That's why I also.." "Tatooed it on your stinkin' chest!!!" The Boss: "As if I have time to read my torso."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ask them, feeling embarrassed, money, negotiating with vendors, phd, right thing, thinking of idea

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I have a PHD, so obviously you should do what I say. Instead of negotiating with vendors, lets just tell them how much money we have and ask them yo do the right thing. You're probably feeling embarrassed for not thinking of the idea yourself. Alice: Must...not...shave...PHD.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags process of getting approval, hard way, meeting, no direct answers, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The man who couldn't give direct answers. Alice: "Did you ask your boss for approval?" Man: "Now i will explain the process for getting approval." Alice: "Do you want to do this the hard way?" Man: "First, you ask for a meeting."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags at party, camera advice, engineer, physical, wally dressed as engineer, engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is talking to a woman at a party. The woman says, "You're an engineer, maybe you can tell me what kind of digital camera I should buy." Dilbert responds, "Would you ask a doctor for free advice?" The woman says, "I got a complete physical by the appetizer." Wally approaches them in a doctor's uniform and says, "Yeah, I'm never off duty."