Computer Software Comic Strips - Page 28
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870 Results for Computer Software
View 271 - 280 results for computer software comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Software" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday March 16,
2008
Tags archaic sayings, bite the hand, cost of measuring, direct deposit, measuring incorrectly, rock carving, software development, web design, wise sayings
Transcript
The Boss: My management philosophy is 'measure' twice, cut once. Dilbert: That only makes sense in a narrow, and generally archaic, set of conditions. In software development, the item being cut, metaphorically speaking, is often plentiful and inexpensive. In many cases, the cost of measuring incorrectly is low compared to the time wasted doing two measurements before every action. Your philosophy is better suited for rock carving than web design. Do you have any wise sayings that involve churning your own butter, or putting saddles on dinosaurs?" The Boss: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Dilbert: I have direct deposit."
Thursday March 06,
2008
Tags anger, emailed payroll, pay discrepncy, punches screen, quiet, secret, smashes computer, report
Transcript
The Boss: Carol, I e-mailed you the department payroll report to reformat. Don't let anyone see it because they might... BAM! Exactly. They might do that.
Tuesday March 04,
2008
Tags code monkey, dreams, evil director, less work, software simian, architect, engineering
Transcript
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Wally: I'd like to change my job title to something with 'architect' in it. My dream is to do less work while allegedly being more valuable. Catbert: The best I can do is 'code monkey. Wally: How about 'software simian'?"
Monday March 03,
2008
Tags borrow pen, company like family, culture, search computer, sign docuemnt, test for dugs, trust and respect, manipulate
Transcript
CatBert: This company is like a family. Our culture is based on trust and respect. Now sign this document that says we can test you for drugs and search your computer and your office. Man: Can I borrow your pen? Catbert: Do I look like Bill and Melinda Gates?"
Friday February 29,
2008
Tags 300 iq, computer, convincing people, desk, evil director, human resources, nobel prize, track record, unix, technology, business
Transcript
Catbert, the evil director of human resources, posts a job opening. Requirements: Candidate must have an I.Q. of 300, two centuries of unix experience and a track record of winning nobel prizes. "90% of my job is convincing people they don't deserve theirs."
Thursday February 14,
2008
Tags hurl software, phase one, server, unplug server, virtualization project, team of monkeys
Transcript
Dogbert: There's no need to worry about the server virtualization project. In phase one a team of blind monkeys will unplug unnecessary servers. In phase two, the monkeys will hurl software at whatever is left. Voila!"
Tuesday February 12,
2008
Tags servers, electricity, virtualize, trade journal, software, over shoulder, computer, boss, worker, technology, engineering
Transcript
The Boss: Our servers are using too much electricity. We need to virtualize. I did my part by reading about virtualization in a trade journal. Now you do the software part. Why is your part taking so long?"
Monday February 04,
2008
Tags travel expenses, meal costs, liar or worse, round numbers, finance troll, papers, office, computer, desk, technology
Transcript
Finance troll: Your travel expenses are rejected because all of your meal costs are round numbers. Either you are a liar or worse. Dilbert: I decide what to order based on what totals to a round number after a 15% tip. Finance: That's worse.
Thursday January 24,
2008
Tags argument, blame, boss, disater, fault, new software, recommended against, responsible
Transcript
Alice: The new software is a disaster. The Boss: They why did you recommend it? Alice: This software is your idea. I recommended against it! So who's fault is it? The Boss: The person with the unpersuasive recommendations?
Wednesday January 23,
2008
Tags computer, dont breathe, help, rat, software, software consulatant, trying to help, technology, engineering
Transcript
Ratbert the software consultant RatBert: Don't let your lack of knowledge interfere with my brilliance. Don't touch the keyboard, don't offer opinions and don't breathe so loudly that I can hear it. Ratbert: There. I've either configured your software or erased something called a bios.

