Monthly Plan Comic Strips - Page 28
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The Boss: Carol, schedule a staff meeting. Carol: What's the topic?" The Boss: I plan to fuse Six Sigma with lean methods to eliminate the gap between our strategy and our objectives. Carol: I'll just say 'Waste of time'.
"My project has been infected by attractive people." "As you know, attractive people are unproductive." "The problem is compounded when you put several of them in the same room." "They've already started to pair off." "I've got four love triangles and six divorces." "All of my status reports say, and I quote, 'Dude, I can't concentrate now.'" "My plan is to replace each attractive person with something like this, or this." "He thinks I'm productive."
"Dilbert, meet your new coworker, Phil O'Dendron." "Phil is a potted plant. He'll sit in your cubicle all day while you try to work." "Does it talk?" "He has three stories that he repeats in an infinite loop." "He'll begin with his reasons for why you should use his tax guy." "Then he'll do a recap of recent reality TV shows." "And last but not least, 'The way we did it at my last job.'" sob "How do you plan to cut expenses?" "Well, performance bonuses are under control."
"Welcome to the monthly meeting of insane chicks." "Our speaker today is Betty, and her topic is 'All the people who are intentionally hurting us.'" "The breakout session is titled 'How to turn your imaginary problems into real ones.'"
"Would you like to buy a candy bar for my daughter's school fundraiser?" "No thanks. I'm not hungry." "That's not really the point." "Why would I buy an overpriced candy bar if I didn't plan on eating it right away?" "You'd do it because your coworker asked you to." "That's a reason?" "Yes, it is." "In that case, I'll take one." Five minutes later "Hey, coworker, would you like to buy a half-eaten candy bar?"
"I plan to build my own country on the ocean using barges." "I shall rule with an iron paw, punishing citizens for no reason other than my own entertainment. Buwhaha!!!" "I'm hoping people will put up with it because their homes are near the ocean."
Dilbert and Wally refuse to support my project plan. Will you take a look at it? "GAAA!!! The stupidity is leaping off the page and burrowing into my brain!!!" "Does anyone around here known how to say a simple 'This won't work'?" gurgle