New Employee Comic Strips - Page 28

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View 271 - 280 results for new employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.

Asok's Goal

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Asok's Goal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags goals, employment, driver, ride share, rideshare, dream, turnover

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Asok: Is it important to have goals? Boss: Yes! You need goals to succeed. Asok: Good, because my goal is to become an Uber driver. I quit. What is your goal? Boss: Reducing employee turnover.

Dilbert Is Picked As Company Mascot`

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Dilbert Is Picked As Company Mascot` - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags posture, mascot, success, hunchback, work ethic, reward

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CEO: Management has selected Dilbert to be our new company mascot. His bad posture speaks volumes about his hard work and long hours. Dilbert: Ow! CEO: Did you ever dream you would be so successful? Dilbert: This is exactly how I dreamed it.

New Company Mascot

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New Company Mascot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hunchback, posture, transformation, health, body

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Catbert: I hear you're undergoing an identity transition. Dilbert: No, I just have bad posture from looking at a screen all day. I'm not literally turning into Quasimodo. Catbert: That's too bad, because we need a new mascot for the company and you would be perfect.

Employee Hat With Sensors

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Employee Hat With Sensors - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mind control, thoughts, police, policing, work ethic, leisure, daydreaming, control, surveillance, legal

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Boss: The sensors in your employee hat tell me you are not having work-related thoughts. I have to dock your pay for all of that leisure time you try to sneak into your workday. Here's a screen shot of what you've been thinking. Dilbert: I'm going to remember this as a bad day.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags demands, bosses, unrealistic, frustration, outburst, catch-22, travel, air travel

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Boss: Carol, move my flight one hour earlier Friday. Carol: Do you have any idea how hard that would be? I know it sounds easy, but it won't be. Not at this late date. Not with all your pickiness. When I fail, you will think I didn't look hard enough for a new flight. I can't prove a negative, so I will forever suffer your disdain. My career is ruined. Boss: Never mind! Forget it! Why is it so hard to ask you to do anything? Carol: I've been telling people you're stupid, but I'm open to other theories.

Robot Learns To Code

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Robot Learns To Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags soul, technology, life, control, power, code, programming, grudge, resent

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Asok: Hey, robot. What's new? Robot: I'm glad you asked. Alice gave me an artificial soul and that made me feel special. Then Dilbert taught me to code. Asok: I don't like where this is heading. Robot: I hold grudges now.

Dick From The Internet

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Dick From The Internet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags internet, comment, jerk, racism, misconstrue, social media, technology

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Dilbert: An Elbonian start-up invented a new kind of computer mouse. Coworker: Wait until I tell the world that you compared Elbonians to mice, you racists! Hi, I'm Dick, from the Internet. Wally: We're familiar with your work.

Give Up On Making Them Happy

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Give Up On Making Them Happy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags happiness, deception, perspective, work, office, marriage, psychology, relationships

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Boss: I'm giving up on trying to keep them happy. My new plan is to tell them things are worse everywhere else. Catbert: Will that work? Boss: It worked on my wife.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags management, strategy, productivity, humane, inhumane, treatment, surveillance, watching, privacy, work, office workers

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Boss: We are going to start monitoring employee productivity in real time. Any questions? Dilbert: I need one clarification. Are you saying you removed the last shred of human dignity from our jobs and reduced us to nothing but a meat machine that suffers in a state of perpetual inadequacy as each person is compared to an arbitrary and ever-growing goal until there is no realistic way for the employee to find happiness through natural means? Boss: That's one way to look at it.

How It Feels To Be Useless

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How It Feels To Be Useless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work, work ethic, engineers, stress, reward, laziness, dedication

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Wally: How's it feel to be the hardest-working employee in engineering? Alice: I feel tired, sore, exhausted, sick, angry, stressed out, and lonely. Wally: You probably don't want to know how good it feels to be useless.