Talking To Idiots Comic Strips - Page 28

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

353 Results for Talking To Idiots

View 271 - 280 results for talking to idiots comic strips. Discover the best "Talking To Idiots" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting moth, #joining, #cedar flavored donut

View Transcript

Transcript

The meeting peers from behind a cubicle at the boss who is talking to Asok. The moth thinks, "My moth sense has detected a meeting." The moth says, "Hi, guys! What are you talking about? Is this a meeting? I can't resist joining in." Asok holds out a donut. Asok says, "Run for it! I'll hold him off with this cedar-flavored donut!!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss hires dennis, #indispensable, #sadistic nut, #job unbearable, #die in own vomit!

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss is talking to Alice and Dilbert. He tells them, "Every work group has one sadistic nut who makes the job unbearable for everyone else." The Boss continues, "That's why I hired Dennis." The Boss points to an angry, violent looking man with dark hair. The Boss says, "He already seems indispensible." Dennis screams, "You'll all die in your own vomit!" Alice is appauled.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss in hospital, #no brain function, #still talking, #double length meetings, #accomplish twice as much

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss lies in a hospital bed. The boss is hooked up to complicated looking machine. A docter stands next to the machine. The doctor says, "The accident left him with no brain function whatsoever." The doctor says, "But that hasn't stopped him from talking." Dilbert says, "I'll drive him back to work." Dilbert drives the Boss. The Boss says, "If I double the length of our staff meetings, we'll accomplish twice as much!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #must delight customoers, #stop price gauging, #stop selling defective products, #talking about customers, #delighting customers, #empathy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss sits at the head of the conference table. He says, "It's not enough to 'serve' our customers..." The Boss continues, "We must DELIGHT them!" Alice asks, "You mean we have to stop price-gouging?" The Boss replies, "No, I think we can still do that." Wally raises his hand and says, "Ooh! Ooh!I know!" Wally continues, "We could stop selling products with known defects." The Boss shouts, "I'm talking about products, not customers!!" Wally turns to Dilbert and Alice and asks, "Do you feel like delighting customers?" Dilbert replies, "I barely have the empathy to pity them."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #hr diretor, #improve perfromance, #feel bad, #faults, #boss lists faults, #hoping for improvement

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption: Catbert: H.R. Director Catbert stands on the top of a chair talking to the boss. Catbert says, "You can improve an employee's performance by making him feel bad about himself." The Boss says, "So, although that wouldn't work on me, it works fine on other people?" Catbert says, "Exactly." The boss stands behind Dilbert and reads from a piece of paper. The Boss says, "I'll read your faults one at a time. Tell me when your performance improves."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #regular employees, #paid less, #contract workers, #intangible benefits

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director Catbert is talking to the contract employee with glasses. Catbert says, "Yes, regular employees are paid less than contract emplyees such as yourself." Catbert says, "But if you join the company, you'll get many intangible benefits." The employee says, "Maybe your stockholders would like some intangible benefits. They can have mine."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #cubicle, #dwellers, #shut up!!, #alice, #impatience

View Transcript

Transcript

Two employees talking outside of Alice's cubicle. Alice says to the employees, "Excuse me. I couldn't avoid hearing your converstaion outside my cubicle." Alice continues, "I think I speak for a lot of cubicle dwellers when I say..." Alice yells, "SHUT UP!!" Both employees are pushed backwards by the force of Alice's yell.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogebrts tech support, #email, #tech support guy, #classical music, #mister radio

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption: Dogbert's Tech Support Tech Support guy talking on phone with Dogbert. Tech Support guy says, "I don't know how to use my e-mail." While sitting at his computer, responds, "You need to upgrade your I.Q. a few points. Try listening to classical music." Tech Support guy stares at radio with arms folded and thinks, "My old nemesis, Mister radio, we meet again."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #research dept, #study, #value of research, #just lie, #no research, #industry salaries, #two oclock, #quitting time, #role model

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice sits next to The Boss and a mandattan place.. The Boss points out, "Our special guest is Tod, from our researced paper." Tod says, "We recently did a study to access the value of our previous research." Tod hands out papers and says, "Sadly, all of our past work was either ignoed or totally misintrepreted by idiots.." Tod says, ".. such as yoursleves." Tod says, "So from now on, rather that do research we''ll just lie. Tod says, "Play along and and we'll make sure the 'industry salaries' study goes your way." Tod says, "Well, it's two o'clock, and that's quitting time in the research department." Wally tells Dilbert, "" You're not my role mdoel anymore!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #industrial espionage program, #secret reports, #plan, #fire dumb people, #perfect cover

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Alice are talking in the hall over a cup of coffee. Bob walks up holding a box of his office supplies and says, "I've been chosen for the industrial espionage program." Bob gets an evil look on his face and says, "The plan is that I quit this job and go work for our competitor. Every week I'll send back secret reports." Alice says, "Bob, this is how we fire dumb people." Bob turns to go and says, "That's why it's the perfect cover."