Wrong Comic Strips - Page 28

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

347 Results for Wrong

View 271 - 280 results for wrong comic strips. Discover the best "Wrong" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags security, equipment removal, authorization, signatures, turn tables, sign form, birth certificate

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks by the security desk with a computer part under his arm. The guard says, "Stop." The guard says, "Show me your "equipment removal authorization form." Dilbert shows him a piece of paper. The guard says, "This requires the signature of TWO employees." Dilbert hands the guard a pen and says, "Good catch. You'd better sign it so it's legal." The guard says, "This seems wrong... but I don't know why why." Dilbert says, "And I'll need to see your birth certificate" The guard says, "I don't have one." Dilbert says, "Then how do you know you were born?" The guard thinks, "I have baby pictures, but they could have been doctored by my alleged mom."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags organization chart, phone lists shreded, picking clean, headhunters, steal away, double pay, drains initiative

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss holds up a piece of paper and says, "From now on, the organization chart will not be distributed." The Boss crumples up a piece of paper and says, "And the internal phone lists will be shredded." The Boss continues, "This will prevent headhunters from easily picking us clean." Wally asks, "Why would headhunters call US?" The Boss explains, "They want to steal you away and double your pay at another company." Wally says, "What makes you think we won't leave on our own anyway?" The Boss replies, "Because working here drains all your initiative." Wally turns to Dilbert and Alice and says, "Let's prove him wrong." Dilbert says, "Yeah! I'm NOT shredding my phone list!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags teach elbonians, cobol, reschedule, send wally, dilbert doesn't know cobol

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands with The Boss. Dilbert's arms are raised in anger. Dilbert says, "Why are sending ME to teach cobol to the Elbonians? Wally is the one who knows cobol, not me." The Boss says, "Wally said he's busy that day." Dilbert says, "Can't you reschedule the class." The Boss says, "Okay... does tomorrow work for you?" Dilbert raises his clenched fists. Dilbert says, "YOU"RE SOLVING THE WRONG PROBLEM!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags interfered with project, empowering employees, bonus, real boss, body in dumpster, boss acting unusual

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and The Boss. Dilbert says, "You haven't interfered with my project in weeks. Something must be wrong." The Boss responds, "I believe in empowering my employees and staying out of the way." Dilbert, in a surprised manner, says, "Am I going to find my real boss's body in a dumpster?" The Boss says, "There's extra money in the budget. Would you like a bonus?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags promise customers, product not yet designed, motto, ask forgiveness, seek permission, design work

View Transcript

Transcript

Bob tells Alice and Dilbert, "Maybe it was wrong to promise our customers a product that hasn't been designed yet." Bob says, "But our motto in marketing is, "'It's better to ask for forgiveness than to seek permission.'" Alice holds Bob over the roof. He is dangling. Dilbert says, "Your motto needs some design work too."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags elbonia, deep mud, misogyny, mud weasels, kick people, complimenting, screaming

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice says to Dilbert and Wally, "I'm off to Elbonia, the land of waist-deep mud and misogyny." Wally leans back in his chair and says, "On the plus side, you can kick people and blame it on the mud weasels." Alice stands in the mud with a couple of Elbonians. One says, "What's wrong, Yugi? One second you are comlimenting this chick, next second screaming." Alice says, "Mud weasel." Yugi is doubled over in pain.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags measurable objective, technical writer, measure good writing, number of words, compare projects to wood, dogmatic babbling manager, cognitive surrender

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss sits at his desk. He says, "Tina, we need to set measurable objectives for you." Tina responds, "I'm a technical writer. How can you measure good writing?" The Boss says, "Everything is measurable is you try hard enough." Tina asks, "Is that your well-measured opinion?" She continues, "Or is it the dogmatic babbling of a manager in total cognitive surrender?" The Boss comes back with, "For example, we could measure the number of words you type." He adds, "We'll have to subtract words you delete. That way we won't motivate the wrong behavior." Tina is now at her desk, typing. She has written, "In this edition of Tina's hourly newsletter, I compare our projects to various types of wood."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags help on assignment, no brainer, interface design, make beige, decisions, can't go wrong

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is in The Boss's office. He holds some files and says, "I need help on the assignment that you said is a 'no brainer.'" The Boss says, "It's easy. Just skip the 'interface design' phase and make everything beige. You can't go wrong with beige." Dilbert walks away thinking, "I always know where to go for no-brainer decisions."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technical recomendation, useless and weak, decisions, helvetica font, wrong, coach, wally and boss, desk

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally stick his head into The Boss's office he is holding a piece of paper. Wally says, "I finished the technical recommendation you requested." Wally gives the report to The Boss. Wally says, "At first I was miffed that you told me what recommendation you wanted." Wally explains, "It made me feel useless and weak." The Boss reads the recommendation. Wally says, "But rather than dwell on my powerlessness." Wally raises his arm, enpowered. Wally says, "I decided to find joy in the one decision that I CAN make." Wally says, "I chose a Helvetica type font. And I never looked back." The Boss says, "Oh, that's what's wrong with it." The Boss thinks, "I coach and I coach, but they still walk out of here all rubber-legged."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags document, on desk, overdue, last minute, going home, boss to dilbert, wait until tomorrow, sociopath, spookily accurate

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his cubicle and looks at his watch. he thinks, "Time to go home. That means..." The Boss shows up and says, "Hi there." Dilbert thinks, "Right on schedule." Dilbert holds up his hand and says, "Wait. Let me guess why you're here." Dilbert says, "You want to discuss a document that's been on your desk for a month." Dilbert says, "It's something that could easily wait until tomorrow." He says, "But you'll insist that I handle it now, because you're a sociopath." The Boss says, "Wrong. I majored in anthropology." The Boss walks away and thinks, "But that was a spookily accurate guess about the document."