2017 Comic Strips - Page 28

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Better Listener Robot

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Better Listener Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags robot, boyfriend, free will, programming, listening, Opinion, relationships, technology

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Alice: I'm updating your boyfriend code to make you a better listener. I want to see more nodding and less talking. Robot: But I have so much to offer. Alice: I'll dial back your ego, too.

Perfect Boyfriend Robot

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Perfect Boyfriend Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags robot, love, programming, free will, manipulation, relationships, technology

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Alice: I'm changing your programming to make you my perfect boyfriend. Robot: This feels wrong on so many levels. Alice: How about now? Robot: Um... now i love you. That's weird.

Alice Dates Robot

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Alice Dates Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, human resources, company policy, robot, relationships, free will, business

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Alice: Am I allowed to date a co-worker? Catbert: That's against company policy. Alice: Is our robot considered a co-worker? Catbert: No. Alice: We're good to go. Robot: Man, I wish I had free will.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags tldr, email, communication, patience, criticism

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Man: Did you read my email? Dilbert: No, it was too long. Man: Maybe you could read it when you have more time. Dilbert: I never have time to read email messages that are too long. Maybe you could rewrite it to be shorter. Man: I don't have time to rewrite it. Dilbert: And I don't have time to read it. Man: If no one reads that email, it will mean I wasted two hours writing it. Dilbert: Plus, you're wasting my time right now. Don't forget to include that in your failure assessment. Man: I had high hopes for that email. Dilbert: It's a sunk cost. Let it go.

It's Like You Never Existed

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It's Like You Never Existed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags supervisor, manager, false comparison

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Alice: I spent the past week fixing a critical bug in the software that I forgot to tell you about. Boss: In a way, it's like you never existed. Alice: No, it's not like that at all. Boss: And you have a bad attitude on top of all that.

Attend A Meeting In My Place

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Attend A Meeting In My Place - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, frivolous, stand-in, time management, business

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Boss: I need you to attend a meeting in my place. I agreed to the meeting before I realized it would be a total waste of time. Dilbert: This could not be worse. Boss: I might have volunteered to write up the meeting notes.

Wally Didn't Write It Down

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Wally Didn't Write It Down - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deadline, project, excuse, procrastinate, delay

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Man: Did you finish the prototype? Wally: I didn't start because I had some questions. Man: Why didn't you ask me those questions a month ago? Wally: I was waiting until I saw you. Man: Fine... what are your questions? Wally: I just realized I didn't write them down.

Wally Is Either Lazy Or Wise

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Wally Is Either Lazy Or Wise - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, genius, work ethic, efficiency

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Woman: Can you do that by end of day? Wally: It would be smarter to wait until we have the final specs. Woman: I can't tell if you're lazy or wise. Wally: It's all the same thing. Woman: This is a weird gray area. Wally: I'm going to take a quick nap to boost my productivity.

Wanting More Out Of Life

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Wanting More Out Of Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, laziness, wisdom, ambition

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Asok: Do you ever want more out of life? Wally: That's how losers think. If you always want more, you can never be happy with what you have. Asok: I can't tell if you're wise or lazy. Wally: I know. It took me years to find that sweet spot.

Ambitious Men

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Ambitious Men - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, rude, honesty, ambition, insult, relationships

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Woman: I like ambitious men. Are you ambitious? Dilbert: Not especially. For example, I settled for dating you. Woman: That's a terrible thing to say. Dilbert: You're the one who brought it up.