Ceo Comic Strips - Page 28

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

627 Results for Ceo

View 271 - 280 results for CEO comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, executives, teaching, metor, nderlings, qualified, education

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Would you be my mentor? CEO: It's better for me if none of my underlings are qualified to take my job. Boss: I think you just taught me something. CEO: Gaaa!!! I hate it when I do that!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags paying bills, trees, off site document, storage costs, out of control, core bsuiness, trees are jerks, money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our off-site document storage costs are growing out of control. At this rate, our core business can be summarized as "put trees in jail." This is when you say something wise and helpful. CEO: Trees are jerks.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags apathy, managers & supervisors, no confidence, management, low score, cancel surveys, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: According to the employee survey, 98% of you have no confidence in management. Rest assured, management will make sure we never again get such a low score. CEO: Cancel all future employee surveys.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags obliviousness, office buildings, work ethic, prodcutivity, cubicles, one clown car

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Productivity went down when we moved the engineers from private offices to cubicles. Productivity went down again when we tried to open the office plan. CEO: Have we tried putting all of them in one clown car? Boss: No, but I don't see why that wouldn't work.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, snobbishness, ceo visitis, questions, ceo, special treatment

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: When our CEO visits, don't ask him any questions. He hates questions. And don't stare. He hates it when people look at him. Dilbert: May we breathe the air on his planet? Boss: Only the stuff he exhales.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags competition (psychology), ignorance (knowledge), big tech firms, hiring people, prestigious degrees, hiring idiots, vacuum up, hiring accused murderers, bail

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: The big tech firms say they no longer care about hiring people who have prestigious degrees. Obviously, they're trying to sucker the rest of us into hiring idiots while they vacuum up the people from the top schools. CEO: We need to get on this. Catbert: We could say we get good results by hiring accused murderers who are out on bail.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, flattery, happiness, underlings, achievemnets, warrants praise, under budget, head pat, boss, enjoys head pat, psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I read an article that says leaders should acknowledge the achievements of their underlings. Have you done anything lately that warrants some praise? Boss: Well... I'm under budget because I forgot to staff one of our projects. CEO: Okay, I can work with that. Now I think I'm supposed to pat you on the head or something. Let's try that and see how we feel. Stop leaning in. Boss: Feels... so... good.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, executives, money, corporate strcucture, derivatives, offshore accounts, goodwill, customers, feel beholden

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Our corporate structure is so complicated that I have no idea where our money even comes from I think it comes from derivatives or offshore accounts or maybe goodwill. Dilbert: Or maybe customers give us money. CEO: I hope not. I don't like to feel beholden.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, prices, executive coaching, meetings

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert The Executive Coach Dogbert: The ROI for executive coaching is 9,000%. CEO: Wow! That's a lot! But I need a coach who won't ask em to do anything differently. Dogbert: I wasn't planning to show up for our meetings. CEO: Perfect. How much do I owe you for today?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cruelty, executives, mental health, psychopaths, grandiose sense, self worth, kill for asking

View Transcript

Transcript

Executive Coaching Dogbert; Research shows that CEOs are more likely to be psychopaths. Obviously, being a psychopath works. Don't let anyone tell you different. How's your grandiose sense of self-worth? CEO: It's the best. I should kill you for asking.