Buy Island Nation Comic Strips - Page 28

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

278 Results for Buy Island Nation

View 271 - 278 results for buy island nation comic strips. Discover the best "Buy Island Nation" comics from Dilbert.com.

Performance Versus Pay

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Performance Versus Pay - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #angry, #big business, #employees, #irritation, #managers & supervisors, #money, #salary

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't give you a bonus this year because we paid too much to buy another company. Dilbert: Are you saying my efforts and my rewards are no longer linked? Boss: Noooo. I'm not saying anything like that. I'm just saying your compensation isn't influenced by your performance. Dilbert: That's the same thing! Boss: Teamwork means we all share the rewards and we all have to share the pain. Dilbert: Does that mean management won't be getting bonuses either? Boss: Now you've made it awkward.

Boss Negotiates With Elbonia

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Negotiates With Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #business ethics, #government, #money, #partisan politics, #stealing, #negotiate

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm negotiating a deal with the government of Elbonia. They agreed to buy a thousand dollars of our products. All I had to do was agree to let them steal all of our intellectual property. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be better for us if they didn't steal our I.P.? Boss: You have to look at the big picture. They also agreed to stop killing tens of thousands of our citizens with their illegal drug shipments. Dilbert: Did they stop? Boss: No, but they said they would. Dilbert: Maybe you should negotiate harder. Boss: And risk losing a thousand dollars of revenue?

Parody Or Real

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Parody Or Real - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #joke, #sarcasm, #technology, #boss, #business, #department, #proposal, #reality, #parody, #inversion

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: ever since the parody inversion, no one can tell the difference between jokes and reality boss: i need you to get buy-in on this proposal from all thirteen department heads by tomorrow wally: was that real or parody? dilbert: i think they're the same now

Sadist Designs Interface

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Sadist Designs Interface - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #technology, #user, #interfaces, #job, #unwanted, #customers, #sadist, #stockholm

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i hired a sadist to design our user interfaces. i realize this isn't ideal, but no one else wanted the job. dilbert: why would our customers buy a product designed by a sadist? boss: it's called stockholm syndrome.

Employer Of The Year

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Employer Of The Year - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #advertising, #managers & supervisors, #employer, #year, #million dollars, #attitude, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i'm proud to announce that we've been named "employer of the year." dilbert: how much did that cost? boss: nothing! all we had to do was buy a million dollars' worth of ads. dilbert: did we need those ads? boss: you won't win any awards with that attitude.

Who Is The Fool

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Who Is The Fool - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #install, #server, #upgrade, #fool, #lie, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

vendor: we can't finish the installation unless you buy our server upgrade. dilbert: that means you lied when you bid for the job, because you did not include a server upgrade. vendor: who's the fool now? dilbert: that would be me.

Platinum Level Service

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Platinum Level Service - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #forecasting, #future, #predict, #industry, #blame, #sell, #upsell, #platinum

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i hired you to predict the future, of our industry, but everything you say makes me sad. dogbert: don't blame me. i only predict the future. i don't make the future. unless you buy my special platinum level service. boss: nice upsell.

Gaslighting The Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Gaslighting The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #month, #november, #october, #birthday, #family relations, #wife, #gaslight

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: what's the name of the month that comes after october? dilbert: november boss: that's what i thought. my wife is trying to gaslight me so she doesn't have to buy me a birthday present. dilbert: how long has she been doing that? boss: i thought i was 26 years old until just now.