Ceo Comic Strips - Page 28
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627 Results for Ceo
View 271 - 280 results for ceo comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday July 17,
2013
Friday July 19,
2013
Tags paying bills, trees, off site document, storage costs, out of control, core bsuiness, trees are jerks, money
Transcript
Boss: Our off-site document storage costs are growing out of control. At this rate, our core business can be summarized as "put trees in jail." This is when you say something wise and helpful. CEO: Trees are jerks.
Thursday August 01,
2013
Tags apathy, managers & supervisors, no confidence, management, low score, cancel surveys, business
Transcript
Boss: According to the employee survey, 98% of you have no confidence in management. Rest assured, management will make sure we never again get such a low score. CEO: Cancel all future employee surveys.
Saturday August 03,
2013
Tags obliviousness, office buildings, work ethic, prodcutivity, cubicles, one clown car
Transcript
Boss: Productivity went down when we moved the engineers from private offices to cubicles. Productivity went down again when we tried to open the office plan. CEO: Have we tried putting all of them in one clown car? Boss: No, but I don't see why that wouldn't work.
Monday August 05,
2013
Tags executives, snobbishness, ceo visitis, questions, ceo, special treatment
Transcript
Boss: When our CEO visits, don't ask him any questions. He hates questions. And don't stare. He hates it when people look at him. Dilbert: May we breathe the air on his planet? Boss: Only the stuff he exhales.
Wednesday September 04,
2013
Tags competition (psychology), ignorance (knowledge), big tech firms, hiring people, prestigious degrees, hiring idiots, vacuum up, hiring accused murderers, bail
Transcript
Catbert: The big tech firms say they no longer care about hiring people who have prestigious degrees. Obviously, they're trying to sucker the rest of us into hiring idiots while they vacuum up the people from the top schools. CEO: We need to get on this. Catbert: We could say we get good results by hiring accused murderers who are out on bail.
Sunday October 13,
2013
Tags executives, flattery, happiness, underlings, achievemnets, warrants praise, under budget, head pat, boss, enjoys head pat, psychology
Transcript
CEO: I read an article that says leaders should acknowledge the achievements of their underlings. Have you done anything lately that warrants some praise? Boss: Well... I'm under budget because I forgot to staff one of our projects. CEO: Okay, I can work with that. Now I think I'm supposed to pat you on the head or something. Let's try that and see how we feel. Stop leaning in. Boss: Feels... so... good.
Monday September 23,
2013
Tags big business, executives, money, corporate strcucture, derivatives, offshore accounts, goodwill, customers, feel beholden
Transcript
CEO: Our corporate structure is so complicated that I have no idea where our money even comes from I think it comes from derivatives or offshore accounts or maybe goodwill. Dilbert: Or maybe customers give us money. CEO: I hope not. I don't like to feel beholden.
Tuesday September 24,
2013
Tags executives, prices, executive coaching, meetings
Transcript
Dogbert The Executive Coach Dogbert: The ROI for executive coaching is 9,000%. CEO: Wow! That's a lot! But I need a coach who won't ask em to do anything differently. Dogbert: I wasn't planning to show up for our meetings. CEO: Perfect. How much do I owe you for today?
Wednesday September 25,
2013
Tags cruelty, executives, mental health, psychopaths, grandiose sense, self worth, kill for asking
Transcript
Executive Coaching Dogbert; Research shows that CEOs are more likely to be psychopaths. Obviously, being a psychopath works. Don't let anyone tell you different. How's your grandiose sense of self-worth? CEO: It's the best. I should kill you for asking.


