Dead In The Water Comic Strips - Page 28

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284 Results for Dead In The Water

View 271 - 280 results for dead in the water comic strips. Discover the best "Dead In The Water" comics from Dilbert.com.

Checking The Time

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Checking The Time - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bored, #boredom, #dying, #dead

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Boss: Stop checking the time when I talk to you! Dilbert: I wasn't checking the time. I was checking my pulse to see if I'm dying from boredom. Uh-oh. Boss: I hope this is a coincidence.

I Own You

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I Own You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #honesty, #work ethic, #communication, #text, #control

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Boss: Why didn't you answer my text last night? Dilbert: Um... Boss: You have no social life, and you aren't dead, so there's no excuse. I own you! Dilbert: Whoever said honest is refreshing never heard any.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #scam, #death, #reincarnation, #con, #con artist, #ghost, #medical

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Dogbert: I'm starting a new business selling clothes to ghosts. My garments are made of the finest ectoplasm. Dilbert: Ghosts don't have money. Dogbert: They don't need money. I'm using a life insurance business model. If you pay me until you die, I will keep your ghost well-dressed for eternity. I also offer reincarnation services. Leave all of your stuff to me when you die and I'll give it back to you when I find the baby that got your soul. Dilbert: You'll be in trouble if your customers realize you're running a scam. Dogbert: If dead people start complaining, we've both got bigger problems than my scams.

Two Choices For Work Space

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Two Choices For Work Space - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office, #office workers, #cubicle, #distraction, #work from home

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Boss: We're trying to decide if it's better to have an open office plan with too many distractions to be productive... or soul-crushing cubicles that will make every employee envy the dead. Dilbert: Maybe everyone can just work from home? Boss: And miss all of this?

Internal Rules Versus Good Code

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Internal Rules Versus Good Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #coding, #engineers, #logic, #corporate, #bureaucracy

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Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!

Ted Might Drop Dead

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Ted Might Drop Dead - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #health, #monitor, #fitbit, #wearable tech, #heart attack, #diseases, #death, #prediction, #medical

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Boss: Ted, your performance is poor. I need to let you go. Ted: Is it a coincidence that you're firing me at the same time my employee health monitor detected cardiovascular disease? How good are the predictive analytics on this? Boss: Don't make lunch plans.

Aggressive Littering

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Aggressive Littering - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #guilt, #plea, #charges, #littering, #murder, #rich people, #discrimination

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Dilbert: I thought you were going to jail for murdering the clients of your cryogenic investment firm. Dogbert: I argued that my clients were already dead. The judge reduced the charge to "aggressive littering." Dilbert: You kicked two-hundred unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: You sound just like that angry prosecutor.

Dating A Skeleton

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Dating A Skeleton - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sex, #dating, #relationships, #questioning, #desperation

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Dilbert: Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? Skeleton: Go ahead. But if you ask me if I'm dead, there is no chance I'll be rattling bones with you later. What's your question? Dilbert: It can wait until tomorrow.

Reincarnation Advice

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Reincarnation Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #motivation, #reincarnation, #death, #fussiness, #medical

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Narrator: Dogbert's Life Advice. Dogbert: I've reviewed your file. Your best bet is to live an unhealthy lifestyle, die young, and hope reincarnation is real. Man: Is it real? Dogbert: All I know for sure is that dead people are less fuss than you.

Elbonian Sales Video Assignment

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Elbonian Sales Video Assignment  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #culture, #catch-22, #misunderstanding, #communication

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Boss: Dilbert, I'm putting you in charge of making a persuasive sales video for our Elbonian clients. Make sure you read their wikipedia page first so you understand the nuances of their culture. Wikipedia: In the Elbonian culture, showing someone a sales video is punishable by dead.